"There is more to the report than I had the courage to write down when
I was making it out; but I can give it very easily now, if you will not
mind listening a little longer. You have always thought that I came
back to Saint Margaret's because I felt grateful for what you had done
for me--for the food and the clothes and the care, and later for the
education that you paid for. This isn't true. I am grateful--very
grateful--but it is a dutiful kind of gratitude which wouldn't have
brought me back in a thousand years. I am so sorry to feel this way.
Perhaps I would not if, in all the years that I was here as a child,
one of you had shown me a single personal kindness, or some one had
thought to send me a letter or a message while I was away at school.
No, you took care of me because you thought it was your duty, and I am
grateful for the same reason; but it was quite another thing which
brought me back to Saint Margaret's."
The smile had gone; she was very sober now. And the House Surgeon,
still watching the two profiles, suddenly felt his heart settle down to
a single steady beat. He wanted to get up that very instant and tell
the nurse in charge of Ward C what had happened and what he thought of
her; but instead he dug his hands deep in his pockets. How in the name
of the seven continents had he never before realized that she was the
sweetest, finest, most adorable, and onliest girl in the world, and
worth a whole board-room full of youngest and prettiest trustees?
"I came back," went on Margaret MacLean, slowly, "really because of the
Old Senior Surgeon, to stand, as he stood in the days long ago, between
you and the incurable ward; to shut out--if I could--the little,
thoughtless, hurting things that you are always saying without being in
the least bit conscious of them, and to keep the children from wanting
too much the friendship and loving interest that, somehow, they
expected from you. I wanted to try and make them feel that they were
not case this and case that, abnormally diseased and therefore objects
of pity and curiosity to be pointed out to sympathetic visitors, but
children--just children--with a right to be happy and loved. I wanted
to fill their minds so full of fun and make-believe that they would
have to forget about their poor little bodies. I tried to make you
feel this and help without putting it--cruelly--into words; but you
would never understand. You have never let them forget for a moment
that they are 'incurables,' any more than you have let me forget that I
am a--foundling."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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