London (England) -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
her tongue, as she always did, when the sorrow of her life had been
touched, the thought of the slow, inexorable decline on which she had
entered that day, nearly ten years before, when her hesitations and
scruples resolved themselves into a hideous mistake. The deep
conviction of error, on that unspeakably important occasion, had ached
and throbbed within her ever since like an incurable disease. She had
sown in her boy’s mind the seeds of shame and rancour; she had made him
conscious of his stigma, of his exquisitely vulnerable spot, and
condemned him to know that for him the sun would never shine as it
shone for most others. By the time he was sixteen years old she had
learned—or believed she had learned—the judgment he passed upon her,
and at that period she had lived through a series of horrible months,
an ordeal in which every element of her old prosperity perished. She
cried her eyes out, on coming to a sense of her aberration, blinded and
weakened herself with weeping, so that for a moment it seemed as if she
should never be able to touch a needle again. She lost all interest in
her work, and that artistic imagination which had always been her pride
deserted her, together with the reputation of keeping the tidiest
lodgings in Lomax Place. A couple of commercial gentlemen and a Welsh
plumber, of religious tendencies, who for several years had made her
establishment their home, withdrew their patronage on the ground that
the airing of her beds was not what it used to be, and disseminated
cruelly this injurious legend. She ceased to notice or to care how
sleeves were worn, and on the question of flounces and gores her mind
was a blank. She fell into a grievous debility, and then into a long,
low, languid fever, during which Hyacinth tended her with a devotion
which only made the wrong she had done him seem more bitter, and in
which, so soon as she was able to hold up her head a little, Mr Vetch
came and sat with her through the dull hours of convalescence. She
re-established to a certain extent, after a while, her connection, so
far as the letting of her rooms was concerned (from the other
department of her activity the tide had ebbed apparently forever); but
nothing was the same again, and she knew it was the beginning of the
end. So it had gone on, and she watched the end approach; she felt it
was very near indeed when a child she had seen playing in the gutters
came to flaunt it over her in silk and lace. She gave a low, inaudible
sigh of relief when at last Millicent got up and stood before her,
smoothing the glossy cylinder of her umbrella.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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