London (England) -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction
In such hours the great, roaring, indifferent world of London seemed to
him a huge organisation for mocking at his poverty, at his inanition;
and then its vulgarest ornaments, the windows of third-rate jewellers,
the young man in a white tie and a crush-hat who dandled by, on his way
to a dinner-party, in a hansom that nearly ran over one—these familiar
phenomena became symbolic, insolent, defiant, took upon themselves to
make him smart with the sense that _he_ was out of it. He felt,
moreover, that there was no consolation or refutation in saying to
himself that the immense majority of mankind were out of it with him,
and appeared to put up well enough with the annoyance. That was their
own affair; he knew nothing of their reasons or their resignation, and
if they chose neither to rebel nor to compare, he, at least, among the
disinherited, would keep up the standard. When these fits were upon the
young man, his brothers of the people fared, collectively, badly at his
hands; their function then was to represent in massive shape precisely
the grovelling interests which attracted one’s contempt, and the only
acknowledgment one owed them was for the completeness of the
illustration. Everything which, in a great city, could touch the
sentient faculty of a youth on whom nothing was lost ministered to his
conviction that there was no possible good fortune in life of too
‘quiet’ an order for him to appreciate—no privilege, no opportunity, no
luxury, to which he should not do justice. It was not so much that he
wished to enjoy as that he wished to know; his desire was not to be
pampered, but to be initiated. Sometimes, of a Saturday, in the long
evenings of June and July, he made his way into Hyde Park at the hour
when the throng of carriages, of riders, of brilliant pedestrians, was
thickest; and though lately, on two or three of these occasions, he had
been accompanied by Miss Henning, whose criticism of the scene was rich
and distinct, a tremendous little drama had taken place, privately, in
his soul. He wanted to drive in every carriage, to mount on every
horse, to feel on his arm the hand of every pretty woman in the place.
In the midst of this his sense was vivid that he belonged to the class
whom the upper ten thousand, as they passed, didn’t so much as rest
their eyes upon for a quarter of a second. They looked at Millicent,
who was safe to be looked at anywhere, and was one of the handsomest
girls in any company, but they only reminded him of the high human
walls, the deep gulfs of tradition, the steep embankments of privilege
and dense layers of stupidity, which fenced him off from social
recognition.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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