The Private Papers of Henry RyecroftGissing, George
General
The Private Papers of Henry Ryecroft
Gissing, George
English fiction -- 19th century
Old companion, yet old enemy! How many a time have I taken it up,
loathing the necessity, heavy in head and heart, my hand shaking, my eyes
sick-dazzled! How I dreaded the white page I had to foul with ink! Above
all, on days such as this, when the blue eyes of Spring laughed from
between rosy clouds, when the sunlight shimmered upon my table and made
me long, long all but to madness, for the scent of the flowering earth,
for the green of hillside larches, for the singing of the skylark above
the downs. There was a time--it seems further away than childhood--when
I took up my pen with eagerness; if my hand trembled it was with hope.
But a hope that fooled me, for never a page of my writing deserved to
live. I can say that now without bitterness. It was youthful error, and
only the force of circumstance prolonged it. The world has done me no
injustice; thank Heaven I have grown wise enough not to rail at it for
this! And why should any man who writes, even if he write things
immortal, nurse anger at the world's neglect? Who asked him to publish?
Who promised him a hearing? Who has broken faith with him? If my
shoemaker turn me out an excellent pair of boots, and I, in some mood of
cantankerous unreason, throw them back upon his hands, the man has just
cause of complaint. But your poem, your novel, who bargained with you
for it? If it is honest journeywork, yet lacks purchasers, at most you
may call yourself a hapless tradesman. If it come from on high, with
what decency do you fret and fume because it is not paid for in heavy
cash? For the work of man's mind there is one test, and one alone, the
judgment of generations yet unborn. If you have written a great book,
the world to come will know of it. But you don't care for posthumous
glory. You want to enjoy fame in a comfortable armchair. Ah, that is
quite another thing. Have the courage of your desire. Admit yourself a
merchant, and protest to gods and men that the merchandise you offer is
of better quality than much which sells for a high price. You may be
right, and indeed it is hard upon you that Fashion does not turn to your
stall.
II.
The exquisite quiet of this room! I have been sitting in utter idleness,
watching the sky, viewing the shape of golden sunlight upon the carpet,
which changes as the minutes pass, letting my eye wander from one framed
print to another, and along the ranks of my beloved books. Within the
house nothing stirs. In the garden I can hear singing of birds, I can
hear the rustle of their wings. And thus, if it please me, I may sit all
day long, and into the profounder quiet of the night.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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