The Professor at the Breakfast-TableHolmes, Oliver Wendell
General
The Professor at the Breakfast-Table
Holmes, Oliver Wendell
American fiction -- 19th century; Conversation -- Fiction; Poetry
If to be a conservative is to let all the drains of thought choke up and
keep all the soul's windows down,--to shut out the sun from the east and
the wind from the west,--to let the rats run free in the cellar, and the
moths feed their fill in the chambers, and the spiders weave their lace
before the mirrors, till the soul's typhus is bred out of our neglect,
and we begin to snore in its coma or rave in its delirium,--I, Sir, am
a bonnet-rouge, a red cap of the barricades, my friends, rather than a
conservative.
--Were you born in Boston, Sir?--said the little man,--looking eager and
excited.
I was not,--I replied.
It's a pity,--it's a pity,--said the little man;--it 's the place to be
born in. But if you can't fix it so as to be born here, you can come
and live here. Old Ben Franklin, the father of American science and the
American Union, was n't ashamed to be born here. Jim Otis, the father
of American Independence, bothered about in the Cape Cod marshes awhile,
but he came to Boston as soon as he got big enough. Joe Warren, the
first bloody ruffed-shirt of the Revolution, was as good as born here.
Parson Charming strolled along this way from Newport, and stayed
here. Pity old Sam Hopkins hadn't come, too;--we'd have made a man of
him,--poor, dear, good old Christian heathen! There he lies, as peaceful
as a young baby, in the old burying-ground! I've stood on the slab
many a time. Meant well,--meant well. Juggernaut. Parson Charming put
a little oil on one linchpin, and slipped it out so softly, the first
thing they knew about it was the wheel of that side was down. T'
other fellow's at work now, but he makes more noise about it. When the
linchpin comes out on his side, there'll be a jerk, I tell you! Some
think it will spoil the old cart, and they pretend to say that there are
valuable things in it which may get hurt. Hope not,--hope not. But this
is the great Macadamizing place,--always cracking up something.
Cracking up Boston folks,--said the gentleman with the diamond-pin,
whom, for convenience' sake, I shall hereafter call the Koh-i-noor.
The little man turned round mechanically towards him, as Maelzel's Turk
used to turn, carrying his head slowly and horizontally, as if it went
by cogwheels.--Cracking up all sorts of things,--native and foreign
vermin included,--said the little man.
This remark was thought by some of us to have a hidden personal
application, and to afford a fair opening for a lively rejoinder, if
the Koh-i-noor had been so disposed. The little man uttered it with the
distinct wooden calmness with which the ingenious Turk used to exclaim,
E-chec! so that it must have been heard. The party supposed to be
interested in the remark was, however, carrying a large knife-bladeful
of something to his mouth just then, which, no doubt, interfered with
the reply he would have made.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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