The Professor at the Breakfast-TableHolmes, Oliver Wendell
General
The Professor at the Breakfast-Table
Holmes, Oliver Wendell
American fiction -- 19th century; Conversation -- Fiction; Poetry
This repetition of the above words,--gentleman and lady,--which could
not be conveniently avoided, reminds me what strange uses are made of
them by those who ought to know what they mean. Thus, at a marriage
ceremony, once, of two very excellent persons who had been at service,
instead of, Do you take this man, etc.? and, Do you take this woman?
how do you think the officiating clergyman put the questions? It was, Do
you, Miss So and So, take this GENTLEMAN? and, Do you, Mr. This or That,
take this LADY?! What would any English duchess, ay, or the Queen of
England herself, have thought, if the Archbishop of Canterbury had
called her and her bridegroom anything but plain woman and man at such a
time?
I don't doubt the Poor Relation thought it was all very fine, if she
happened to be in the church; but if the worthy man who uttered these
monstrous words--monstrous in such a connection--had known the ludicrous
surprise, the convulsion of inward disgust and contempt, that seized
upon many of the persons who were present,--had guessed what a sudden
flash of light it threw on the Dutch gilding, the pinchbeck, the shabby,
perking pretension belonging to certain social layers,--so inherent in
their whole mode of being, that the holiest offices of religion
cannot exclude its impertinences,--the good man would have given his
marriage-fee twice over to recall that superb and full-blown vulgarism.
Any persons whom it could please could have no better notion of what the
words referred to signify than of the meaning of apsides and asymptotes.
MAN! Sir! WOMAN! Sir! Gentility is a fine thing, not to be undervalued,
as I have been trying to explain; but humanity comes before that.
“When Adam delved and Eve span,
Who was then the gentleman?”
The beauty of that plainness of speech and manners which comes from the
finest training is not to be understood by those whose habitat is below
a certain level. Just as the exquisite sea-anemones and all the graceful
ocean-flowers die out at some fathoms below the surface, the elegances
and suavities of life die out one by one as we sink through the social
scale. Fortunately, the virtues are more tenacious of life, and last
pretty well until we get down to the mud of absolute pauperism, where
they do not flourish greatly.
--I had almost forgotten about our boarders. As the Model of all the
Virtues is about to leave us, I find myself wondering what is the reason
we are not all very sorry. Surely we all like good persons. She is a
good person. Therefore we like her.--Only we don't.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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