THE PRUDE'S PROGRESS A Comedy In Three Acts By Jerome K. Jerome and Eden Phillpotts London: Chatto & Windus 1895 PERSONS IN THE PLAY. Jack Medbury Ted Morris. Adam Cherry, Theodore Travers Ben Dixon L.C.C., M.V.A. Footman. Mrs. Wheedles Nelly Morris. Primrose Deane Mrs. Ben Dixon THE PRUDE'S PROGRESS. THE FIRST ACT. _The scene represents a room high up in a Bloomsbury lodging-house. It is poorly, but not sordidly, furnished; and here and there are touches of taste, and some attempt at comfort. Nelly Morris, a young girl, dressed in a very old frock, the shabbiness of which she has attempted to hide by various feminine devices, is discovered sitting L. of table. A pile of medical books, topped by a skull, faces her. She is sitting with her elbows on table, her head in her hands, looking up at, and talking to, the skull._ NELLY MORRIS. Did you ever know what it was to be poor-real poor I mean? Do you know what Ted and I have got for dinner? Three sausages between us! That's one and a half--no, two for him because he's working, and one for me. And do you know what I am longing for more than anything else in the world? A great plate of roast beef--heaps of beef--and Yorkshire pudding and potatoes--large potatoes. (_Sniffs in the air._) Did you ever feel like that? Did _you_ ever try studying for an exam, on bread-and-butter for breakfast, bread-and-butter for dinner (when it won't run to the sausages), and bread, without butter, for supper, like poor Ted has to? Do you think he'll be able to learn enough on it to pass? Do you? (_Breaking down._) Ah! you only grin at it all. 'Tis funny, isn't it? (_Laughing hysterically._) I suppose we shall grin at it all when we are as old as you. (_The door at back opens, and Mrs. Wheedles, an old lady of the Mrs. Gummidge type, enters. Nelly hastily wipes away her tears._) MRS. WHEEDLES. Oh! my dear, you gave me quite a turn. I made sure you'd got someone here. NELLY MORRIS. Only old Tapley, Mrs. Wheedles. I talk to him about my worries and he teaches me to laugh at them. Do you see how he's smiling? (_Takes skull and shows its face to Mrs Wheedles._) MRS. WHEEDLES. (_Pushing it away._) Oh, my dear, don't. You make me feel quite creepy. I do wish your brother wouldn't leave his bones about as he does. It's really hardly decent. NELLY MORRIS. We'll put something over him. (_Takes the skull to mantelpiece and ties pocket-handkerchief round it._) You are shocking the susceptibilities of the British Matron, Mr. Tapley. You must be dressed. MRS. WHEEDLES. He doesn't look very well to-day, does he? NELLY MORRIS. What, Mr. Tapley? Oh, much the same as---- MRS. WHEEDLES. Lor', no, my dear! how your mind does run on that nasty things I was speaking of your brother. NELLY MORRIS. You don't think he's going to break down? MRS. WHEEDLES. Oh no, my dear--at least we'll hope for the best. He seemed a bit pale, that's all.