The Prussian OfficerLawrence, D. H. (David Herbert)
General
The Prussian Officer
Lawrence, D. H. (David Herbert)
Fiction; Short stories
But evidently Mary could perform a different heroism. So she, Louisa
the practical, suddenly felt that Mary, her ideal, was questionable
after all. How could she be pure—one cannot be dirty in act and
spiritual in being. Louisa distrusted Mary’s high spirituality. It was
no longer genuine for her. And if Mary were spiritual and misguided,
why did not her father protect her? Because of the money. He disliked
the whole affair, but he backed away, because of the money. And the
mother frankly did not care: her daughters could do as they liked. Her
mother’s pronouncement:
“Whatever happens to _him_, Mary is safe for life,”—so evidently and
shallowly a calculation, incensed Louisa.
“I’d rather be safe in the workhouse,” she cried.
“Your father will see to that,” replied her mother brutally. This
speech, in its indirectness, so injured Miss Louisa that she hated her
mother deep, deep in her heart, and almost hated herself. It was a long
time resolving itself out, this hate. But it worked and worked, and at
last the young woman said:
“They are wrong—they are all wrong. They have ground out their souls
for what isn’t worth anything, and there isn’t a grain of love in them
anywhere. And I _will_ have love. They want us to deny it. They’ve
never found it, so they want to say it doesn’t exist. But I _will_ have
it. I _will_ love—it is my birthright. I will love the man I marry—that
is all I care about.”
So Miss Louisa stood isolated from everybody. She and Mary had parted
over Mr Massy. In Louisa’s eyes, Mary was degraded, married to Mr
Massy. She could not bear to think of her lofty, spiritual sister
degraded in the body like this. Mary was wrong, wrong, wrong: she was
not superior, she was flawed, incomplete. The two sisters stood apart.
They still loved each other, they would love each other as long as they
lived. But they had parted ways. A new solitariness came over the
obstinate Louisa, and her heavy jaw set stubbornly. She was going on
her own way. But which way? She was quite alone, with a blank world
before her. How could she be said to have any way? Yet she had her
fixed will to love, to have the man she loved.
VII
When her boy was three years old, Mary had another baby, a girl. The
three years had gone by monotonously. They might have been an eternity,
they might have been brief as a sleep. She did not know. Only, there
was always a weight on top of her, something that pressed down her
life. The only thing that had happened was that Mr Massy had had an
operation. He was always exceedingly fragile. His wife had soon learned
to attend to him mechanically, as part of her duty.
But this third year, after the baby girl had been born, Mary felt
oppressed and depressed. Christmas drew near: the gloomy, unleavened
Christmas of the rectory, where all the days were of the same dark
fabric. And Mary was afraid. It was as if the darkness were coming upon
her.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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