The service went on with its deep, appealing prayers for pardon, for
help, for uplifting, and Maurice followed it only half consciously. It
was as if he were drugged, so that only now and then a phrase
penetrated to his real consciousness,--words which in their instant and
particular application were so poignant that he could not avoid their
force.
"'From all inordinate and sinful affections,'" repeated the rich voice
of Mr. Candish, thrilling the church from floor to vaulted, roof, "'and
from the deceits of the world, the flesh, and the devil.'"
"'Good Lord, deliver us!'" swelled the response of the congregation;
and on the lips of the deacon the words were almost a groan.
He lost himself then in a flood of bitter repentance and prayer, hardly
realizing where he was or what was passing around him. The music
swelled and eddied; there was a genuine "Kyrie," wherein a single
voice, a rich contralto, wailed and implored in a passion of
supplication until the whole congregation quivered with the fervor of
the music. Maurice felt himself swayed and lifted upon the rising tide
of emotion. He lost his anger, he swam in billows of celestial delight;
a blessed peace soothed his troubled soul; he knew again some of the
old-time ecstasy. Yet in all this religious fervor there was some
subtle consciousness that it was unreal. He was not able so completely
to give himself up to it as to fail to watch its growth, its progress,
its intensity; he was vexed that he should trap himself, as it were,
glorying in the susceptibility to religious influences which such
excitement showed. He had even a whimsical, momentary irritation that
the part of his mind which was acting the devotee could not do it so
well that his other consciousness could not detect the unreality of it
all. Then he struggled to forget everything in the service; to steep
himself in the spiritual intoxication of the hour.
The girl whom he had introduced into the pew dropped her prayer-book.
He turned, startled by the sound, and saw her sway toward him. He
realized that the crowd, the heat, the excitement, the odor of incense
with which the air was heavy, had overcome her, and that she was
fainting. He rose instantly, and, lifting her, assisted her into the
aisle. She was half in his arms as he led her down the nave, and her
hair, the hair which had seemed to him like that of Berenice, brushed
now and again against his shoulder. He recalled the wreck, when
Berenice had been in his arms, and his religious mood vanished as if it
had never been. His cheek flushed; he thrilled with anger at himself.
He had been playing a part here in the church. He had never for an
instant wished to be set free from his bondage to Berenice,--Berenice
who had to-night mocked him and his profession in the eyes of all the
world.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account