Had they really waited till the portrait was given them before robbing
him of his purse? In such a combination the theft was even more
odious. The painter recollected that for the last two or three
evenings Adelaide, while seeming to examine with a girl’s curiosity the
particular stitch of the worn silk netting, was probably counting the
coins in the purse, while making some light jests, quite innocent in
appearance, but no doubt with the object of watching for a moment when
the sum was worth stealing.
“The old admiral has perhaps good reasons for not marrying Adelaide, and
so the Baroness has tried----”
But at this hypothesis he checked himself, not finishing his thought,
which was contradicted by a very just reflection, “If the Baroness
hopes to get me to marry her daughter,” thought he, “they would not have
robbed me.”
Then, clinging to his illusions, to the love that already had taken such
deep root, he tried to find a justification in some accident. “The purse
must have fallen on the floor,” said he to himself, “or I left it lying
on my chair. Or perhaps I have it about me--I am so absent-minded!”
He searched himself with hurried movements, but did not find the
ill-starred purse. His memory cruelly retraced the fatal truth, minute
by minute. He distinctly saw the purse lying on the green cloth; but
then, doubtful no longer, he excused Adelaide, telling himself that
persons in misfortune should not be so hastily condemned. There was, of
course, some secret behind this apparently degrading action. He would
not admit that that proud and noble face was a lie.
At the same time the wretched rooms rose before him, denuded of the
poetry of love which beautifies everything; he saw them dirty and faded,
regarding them as emblematic of an inner life devoid of honor, idle and
vicious. Are not our feelings written, as it were, on the things about
us?
Next morning he rose, not having slept. The heartache, that terrible
malady of the soul, had made rapid inroads. To lose the bliss we dreamed
of, to renounce our whole future, is a keener pang than that caused by
the loss of known happiness, however complete it may have been; for
is not Hope better than Memory? The thoughts into which our spirit is
suddenly plunged are like a shoreless sea, in which we may swim for
a moment, but where our love is doomed to drown and die. And it is a
frightful death. Are not our feelings the most glorious part of our
life? It is this partial death which, in certain delicate or powerful
natures, leads to the terrible ruin produced by disenchantment, by hopes
and passions betrayed. Thus it was with the young painter. He went out
at a very early hour to walk under the fresh shade of the Tuileries,
absorbed in his thoughts, forgetting everything in the world.
There by chance he met one of his most intimate friends, a school-fellow
and studio-mate, with whom he had lived on better terms than with a
brother.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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