Doyle, Arthur Conan, 1859-1930 -- Parodies, imitations, etc.; Fantasy fiction; Holmes, Sherlock (Fictitious character) -- Fiction
“Bonaparte, put the Judge in irons,” interrupted Holmes, sternly. “I
expect to be obeyed, Judge Blackstone, whether you shipped as a Lord
Chief-Justice or a state-room steward. When I issue an order it must be
obeyed. Step lively there, Bonaparte. Get his honor ironed and summon
your marines. We may have work to do before night. Hamlet, pipe Captain
Cook on deck.”
“Aye, aye, sir,” replied Hamlet, with alacrity, as he made off.
“That’s the way to obey orders,” said Holmes, with a scornful glance at
Blackstone.
“I was only jesting, Captain,” said the latter, paling somewhat.
“That’s all right,” said Holmes, taking up his glass again. “So was I
when I ordered you in irons, and in order that you may appreciate the
full force of the joke I repeat it. Bonaparte, do your duty.”
In an instant the order was obeyed, and the unhappy Judge shortly found
himself manacled and alone in the forecastle. Meanwhile Captain Cook, in
response to the commander’s order, repaired to the deck and scanned the
distant coast.
“I can’t place it,” he said. “It can’t be Monte Cristo, can it?”
“No, it can’t,” said the Count, who stood hard by. “My island was in the
Mediterranean, and even if it dragged anchor it couldn’t have got out
through the Strait of Gibraltar.”
“Perhaps it’s Robinson Crusoe’s island,” suggested Doctor Johnson.
“Not it,” observed De Foe. “If it is, the rest of you will please keep
off. It’s mine, and I may want to use it again. I’ve been having a
number of interviews with Crusoe latterly, and he’s given me a lot of new
points, which I intend incorporating in a sequel for the Cimmerian
Magazine.”
“Well, in the name of Atlas, what island is it, then?” roared Holmes,
angrily. “What is the matter with all you learned lubbers that I have
brought along on this trip? Do you suppose I’ve brought you to whistle
up favorable winds? Not by the beard of the Prophet! I brought you to
give me information, and now when I ask for the name of a simple little
island like that in plain sight there’s not one of you able so much as to
guess at it reasonably. The next man I ask for information goes into
irons with Judge Blackstone if he doesn’t answer me instantly with the
information I want. Munchausen, what island is that?”
“Ahem! that?” replied Munchausen, trembling, as he reflected upon the
Captain’s threat. “What? Nobody knows what island that is? Why, you
surprise me—
“See here, Baron,” retorted Holmes, menacingly, “I ask you a plain
question, and I want a plain answer, with no evasions to gain time. Now
it’s irons or an answer. What island is that?”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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