"Because _I_ do!" said Matt. "I care everything for her. So much that
when I thought of my love for her, I could not bear that it should be a
wrong to any living soul or that it should be a shadow's strength
between her and any possible preference. And I came here with my mind
made up that if you thought Jack Wilmington had still some right to a
hearing from her, I would stand back. If there were any hopes for him
from himself or from her, I should be a fool not to stand back. And I
thought--I thought that if you, old fellow--But now, it's all right--all
right--"
Matt wrung the hand which Wade yielded him with a dazed air, at first. A
great many things went through Wade's mind, which he silenced on their
way to his lips. It would not do to impart to Matt the impressions of a
cold and arrogant nature which the girl had sometimes given him, and
which Matt could not have received in the times of trouble and sorrow
when he had chiefly seen her. Matt's confession was a shock; Wade was
scarcely less dismayed by the complications which it suggested; but he
could no more impart his misgivings than his impressions; he could no
more tell Matt that his father would be embarrassed and compromised by
his passion than he could tell him that he did not think Sue Northwick
was worthy of it. He was in the helpless predicament that confidants
often find themselves in, but his final perception of his
impossibilities enabled him to return the fervid pressure of Matt's
hand, and even to utter some of those incoherencies which serve the
purpose when another wishes to do the talking.
"Of course," said Matt, "I'm ridiculous, I know that. I haven't got
anything to found my hopes on but the fact that there's nothing in my
way to the one insuperable obstacle: to the fact that she doesn't and
can't really care a straw for me. But just now that seems a mere
bagatelle." He laughed with a nervous joy, and he kept talking, as he
walked up and down Wade's study. "I don't know that I have the hope of
anything; and I don't see how I'm to find out whether I have or not, for
the present. You know, Wade," he went on, with a simple-hearted
sweetness, which Wade found touching, "I'm twenty-eight years old, and I
don't believe I've ever been in love before. Little fancies, of course;
summer flirtations; every one has them; but never anything serious,
anything like _this_. And I could see, at home, that they would be glad
to have had me married. I rather think my father believes that a good
sensible wife would bring me back to faith in commercial civilization."
He laughed out his relish of the notion, but went on, gravely: "Poor
father! This whole business has been a terrible trial to him."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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