Domestic fiction; Family -- England -- Midlands -- Fiction; Midlands (England) -- Fiction
“Isn’t it lovely?” she said, softly, coaxingly, caressingly. And she
began to caress him to life again. For he was dead. And she intended
that he should never know, never become aware of what had been. She
would bring him back from the dead without leaving him one trace of
fact to remember his annihilation by.
She exerted all her ordinary, warm self, she touched him, she did him
homage of loving awareness. And gradually he came back to her, another
man. She was soft and winning and caressing. She was his servant, his
adoring slave. And she restored the whole shell of him. She restored
the whole form and figure of him. But the core was gone. His pride was
bolstered up, his blood ran once more in pride. But there was no core
to him: as a distinct male he had no core. His triumphant, flaming,
overweening heart of the intrinsic male would never beat again. He
would be subject now, reciprocal, never the indomitable thing with a
core of overweening, unabateable fire. She had abated that fire, she
had broken him.
But she caressed him. She would not have him remember what had been.
She would not remember herself.
“Kiss me, Anton, kiss me,” she pleaded.
He kissed her, but she knew he could not touch her. His arms were round
her, but they had not got her. She could feel his mouth upon her, but
she was not at all compelled by it.
“Kiss me,” she whispered, in acute distress, “kiss me.”
And he kissed her as she bade him, but his heart was hollow. She took
his kisses, outwardly. But her soul was empty and finished.
Looking away, she saw the delicate glint of oats dangling from the side
of the stack, in the moonlight, something proud and royal, and quite
impersonal. She had been proud with them, where they were, she had been
also. But in this temporary warm world of the commonplace, she was a
kind, good girl. She reached out yearningly for goodness and affection.
She wanted to be kind and good.
They went home through the night that was all pale and glowing around,
with shadows and glimmerings and presences. Distinctly, she saw the
flowers in the hedge-bottoms, she saw the thin, raked sheaves flung
white upon the thorny hedge.
How beautiful, how beautiful it was! She thought with anguish how
wildly happy she was to-night, since he had kissed her. But as he
walked with his arm round her waist, she turned with a great offering
of herself to the night that glistened tremendous, a magnificent godly
moon white and candid as a bridegroom, flowers silvery and transformed
filling up the shadows.
He kissed her again, under the yew trees at home, and she left him. She
ran from the intrusion of her parents at home, to her bedroom, where,
looking out on the moonlit country, she stretched up her arms, hard,
hard, in bliss, agony offering herself to the blond, debonair presence
of the night.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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