Domestic fiction; Family -- England -- Midlands -- Fiction; Midlands (England) -- Fiction
She did not see how lambs could love. Lambs could only be loved. They
could only be afraid, and tremblingly submit to fear, and become
sacrificial; or they could submit to love, and become beloveds. In both
they were passive. Raging, destructive lovers, seeking the moment when
fear is greatest, and triumph is greatest, the fear not greater than
the triumph, the triumph not greater than the fear, these were no lambs
nor doves. She stretched her own limbs like a lion or a wild horse, her
heart was relentless in its desires. It would suffer a thousand deaths,
but it would still be a lion’s heart when it rose from death, a fiercer
lion she would be, a surer, knowing herself different from and separate
from the great, conflicting universe that was not herself.
Winifred Inger was also interested in the Women’s Movement.
“The men will do no more,—they have lost the capacity for doing,” said
the elder girl. “They fuss and talk, but they are really inane. They
make everything fit into an old, inert idea. Love is a dead idea to
them. They don’t come to one and love one, they come to an idea, and
they say ‘You are my idea,’ so they embrace themselves. As if I were
any man’s idea! As if I exist because a man has an idea of me! As if I
will be betrayed by him, lend him my body as an instrument for his
idea, to be a mere apparatus of his dead theory. But they are too fussy
to be able to act; they are all impotent, they can’t _take_ a woman.
They come to their own idea every time, and take that. They are like
serpents trying to swallow themselves because they are hungry.”
Ursula was introduced by her friend to various women and men, educated,
unsatisfied people, who still moved within the smug provincial society
as if they were nearly as tame as their outward behaviour showed, but
who were inwardly raging and mad.
It was a strange world the girl was swept into, like a chaos, like the
end of the world. She was too young to understand it all. Yet the
inoculation passed into her, through her love for her mistress.
The examination came, and then school was over. It was the long
vacation. Winifred Inger went away to London. Ursula was left alone in
Cossethay. A terrible, outcast, almost poisonous despair possessed her.
It was no use doing anything, or being anything. She had no connection
with other people. Her lot was isolated and deadly. There was nothing
for her anywhere, but this black disintegration. Yet, within all the
great attack of disintegration upon her, she remained herself. It was
the terrible core of all her suffering, that she was always herself.
Never could she escape that: she could not put off being herself.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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