"You're my Winnie," she repeated half-asleep. "I'll see that you get
past the immigration authorities. I'll smuggle you in under my skirts,
like Helen of Troy. St. Peter's far too respectable a man to try to
see what I've got there."
"Now _you're_ maudlin," I told her. "From what I know of Greek
costumes, Helen of Troy couldn't have smuggled a Chihuahua into Troy
under what _she_ wore. Anyhow, these saints have X-ray eyes that can
spot a sin right through skirt, girdle and brassiere. Besides, I weigh
too much. I'm much more like the unforgivable sin. Suppose I just
pretend I lost my passport."
"It will be all right, darling," Germaine assured me. "And if they
won't let us into Heaven, God knows they'd be delighted to put us up
in Hell. It would raise the value of real estate overnight. I can just
hear the Devil arguing with prospective tenants. 'We have such nice
people in the next bed of coals. They're from Westchester and the
name's Tompkins'."
"Any time a real estate agent urges you to take a residence, that's
Heaven," I told her. "You dither delightfully, especially when you're
half asleep. But I don't want to get into Hell on false pretenses. It's
not fair to the management. What I propose to do is to go out, and see
if I can't find the Old Man before He finds me, and see if I can't
fix up my passport right now. As you say, it could be embarrassing
otherwise. Then I'll march straight up to Him, look Him in the eye and
ask Him what the Hell He means--"
She sat up and held out her glass. "More brandy," she ordered.
I fixed her drink and my own and looked at the coals of the log-fire.
"How are you going to set out?" Germaine asked. "No, don't laugh,
darling. It might be quite important. You see, if I--if we--Oh, if we
should have a child, it would be good to know--" she paused, at a loss
for words.
"It does sound crazy, doesn't it?" I said. "'Middle-aged Stock Broker
Cleans up in Wall Street, Looks for God.' Well, I suppose the best
thing to do is to consult the clergymen."
"Then you'd better not start in Westchester," she advised. "They're all
bleating celibates like poor old Ponto or broad-clothed men of affairs
who shoot a darn good game of golf and never offend the vestrymen.
I'd try New York City, if I were you, Winnie. They have the best
architects, the best food, the best doctors, the best actors, and the
best red-heads in the world. They might even have the best clergymen."
"That doesn't follow," I told her, "but I agree the chances are better
there than up here."
"I'm going to approach this thing scientifically," I continued. "I'm
going to pick a Protestant--probably a Presbyterian--"
"Yes," she agreed. "_Do_ pick a Presbyterian. They build such lovely
New England churches and they believe in infant damnation, or is that
the Mormons?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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