Oh! you (_runs at him, fist clenched_) THE DEVIL Don’t forget yourself and break your own nose. AGNUS Oh, what am I to do? What am I to do? (_Agonizedly_) Oh, don’t chase her away. THE DEVIL What then? Want me to hug her? Kiss her? AGNUS Oh, my God, no! THE DEVIL Well? AGNUS You don’t have to _kiss_ her!— THE DEVIL If I don’t kiss her, she’ll be kissing me— AGNUS Kissing you! THE DEVIL It’s always the neglectful one gets kissed. AGNUS She’s got too much dignity to kiss a man without being kissed! THE DEVIL Then she doesn’t love you— AGNUS She does love me! THE DEVIL When a woman loves a man, she doesn’t care which one kisses first so long as they kiss. I’m glad she doesn’t love you. If she did, rudeness and neglect, even knocking her down, would only make her love you more. But women get very dignified when a man they don’t love ill-treats them. They’re only too glad of an excuse to be rid of him. AGNUS I know now everything ever written about you is true. To hit a woman! To hit a woman! THE DEVIL An empty bureau-drawer is best. It makes a lot of noise, scares them to death, and doesn’t really hurt them at all. AGNUS You devil! THE DEVIL Dr. Agnus, please. A very neat little book could be written on the psychology of beating children and women—for their own good, of course! Never hurt them: that’s very coarse! A blow should be simply a little more effective than the strongest word—and should never be used until the last threat is exhausted. Of course, if your vocabulary is limited—(_Shrugs his shoulders_) That’s why there’s so much wife-beating among the lower classes. The really well-educated man doesn’t need to beat his wife—when he can swear at her in seven different languages— [_The light darts viciously at him._ AGNUS You devil! THE DEVIL Dr. Agnus, please. (_Indicating the light_) The Dutchman is angry, too. He thinks it’s all right to blow up a building with a couple of hundred people in it. But to lift a hand against a woman “save in kindness”—oh, my! [_The light is suddenly still._ THE DEVIL And you, doctor, vivisect dogs oblivious to their screams of agony. But you’d refuse to speak to the man who inflicted a harmless blow on his wife. Oh, you ridiculous humans! AGNUS Vivisection saves many a civilized man. THE DEVIL A blow at the right time saves many a civilized woman. Women have only begun to be civilized—since I posed as a woman once or twice: George Eliot, George Sand, and a few others. You don’t laugh this time as you did when I said I was Shakespeare and Shaw— [_Agnus wrings his hands and walks away._ THE DEVIL