The Red Light of Mars; or, A Day in the Life of the Devil: A Philosophical ComedyBronson-Howard, George
Philosophy
The Red Light of Mars; or, A Day in the Life of the Devil: A Philosophical Comedy
Bronson-Howard, George
Devil -- Drama; Long Island (N.Y.) -- Drama
Will you go—please! She’ll look in the window in a moment and see me—I
mean you—please go!
THE DEVIL
What shall I say?
AGNUS
“I accept, Fanny—go back and get the others.” But no putting your arm
around her: no kissing!
THE DEVIL
No fear! I wish I were sure she wouldn’t kiss me—
[_Fanny rattles the knob; the door is opened impatiently, and she
enters angrily._
THE DEVIL (_immediately_)
Fanny, I accept: go and get the others.
FANNY
Oh, there you are! Why did you keep me ringing there like a fool?
THE DEVIL
Was that ringing like a fool’s? Suppose you go out now and ring like a
sensible person—just to see if I can tell the difference!
[_Fanny appears dumfounded and cannot find words. The Devil smiles
encouragingly at her._
AGNUS (_wildly_)
Fanny, I give you my word—
[_Fanny stares at him. Agnus realizes his position and grows
shamefacedly silent._
THE DEVIL (_introducing Agnus_)
My friend, Mr. Schwartzenhopfel. A very nice fellow—with a ridiculous
name.
[_The light darts at him viciously._
THE DEVIL
Heard me speak so much of you—feels like an old friend.—Call her
“Fanny,” Schwartzenhopfel. Call him “Hop,” Fanny—“Hop” for short.
FANNY (_recovering her breath_)
You’ve been drinking!
THE DEVIL
You must learn to love Hop, Fanny. If I should die, I should never want
you to marry anyone but Hop. (_With a tremendous slap on Agnus’s back_)
[_The light darts._
FANNY
I can’t understand your conduct, Addington? I’m at a loss!
THE DEVIL
Why—
[_Agnus punches him in the ribs._
THE DEVIL (_recollecting_)
Oh! it’s all right, Fanny. It’s all right! (_Carefully_)
Fanny—I—accept—go—and—get—the—others—
FANNY
You _do_ accept?
THE DEVIL
Fanny, I accept. Go and get the others.
FANNY
You accept—
THE DEVIL
Fanny, I accept. Go and—
FANNY (_kissing him_)
You dear old darling!
[_The Devil puts his arm about her with a sly wink at the raging Agnus._
FANNY
Now you can set the wedding for any date you please—next month if you
like—
[_The Devil takes his arm away._
FANNY
You’ve made me the happiest girl in the world—(_Kisses him again_)
THE DEVIL (_in a hollow tone_)
Go and get the others.
FANNY
I will. I will. Oh, you dear! (_Kisses him again and goes out through
the upper door in the rear_)
[_The Devil turns a look of reproachful and frigid dignity on Agnus.
The light dances about in joyful hatred._
THE DEVIL (_to the light_)
Get out of here, you Teutonic accident! (_To Agnus_) Dug a little share
for me, didn’t you? Married next month!
AGNUS (_alarmed_)
I don’t want her to marry you.
THE DEVIL
Then why tell me to “accept, Fanny, go and get the others,” eh?
AGNUS
Didn’t have to have time to explain everything to you?
THE DEVIL
What did I accept?
AGNUS
One hundred thousand dollars a year: chief chemist to the John Magnus
works—
THE DEVIL
Who are “the others” she went to get?
AGNUS
John Magnus—
THE DEVIL (_interrupting_)
The richest man in the world—isn’t he?
AGNUS (_contemptuously_)
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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