And making us independent of _women_! VANILLITY (_shocked_) My _dear_ Judge! JUDGE CRITTY Of _good_ women, I mean. They are the only dangerous kind. We learned how to handle the bad ones a few thousand years ago! VANILLITY My _dear_ Judge! JUDGE CRITTY (_going back to the days of boyish confidences_) Tommy: it’s my profession to be a hypocrite. That’s why I enjoy talking to you. Being absolutely dependent on me, you can’t give me away. (_Laughs foxily_) If I didn’t have you, I’d become a Catholic. I simply can’t keep all my cleverness to myself. That’s why most people enjoy confession. And so I say again: the _good_ women are the only _dangerous_ kind! (_Goes to cellarette_) Have a drink! There! (_Pours_) VANILLITY My _dear_ Lytey— JUDGE CRITTY Nonsense, down with it! I _need_ you today, and when you’re dead sober, you’ve got a _conscience_. (_Drinking with him_) Have a cigar! Take it! (_Lights cigars for Vanillity and himself_) [_Vanillity’s face brightens as drink and cigar affect him._ JUDGE CRITTY Yes, sir! The only _dangerous_ kind! That’s why I’m sorry for _that_ poor fellow! (_Nods toward laboratory_) VANILLITY Ssh! Ssh! JUDGE CRITTY Pooh! He doesn’t know anybody’s on earth when he’s working—poor devil! VANILLITY Poor devil? Poor fellow? Who just won the Nobel prize—the most discussed scientist in the world? JUDGE CRITTY And a year from now forgotten! VANILLITY Absurd! (_Seeing the Judge’s solemn look_) Why? JUDGE CRITTY In love! VANILLITY With a very sweet girl—a very ambitious girl! JUDGE CRITTY Ambitious for _herself_—yes. VANILLITY But— JUDGE CRITTY (_looks at watch_) She’ll be here any minute now: was to meet me here quarter to. I came before time to find you; knew you’d be the first to congratulate him! Another drink? VANILLITY My _dear_ Lytey— [_Judge Critty forces it on him; Vanillity’s smile becomes a beam._ JUDGE CRITTY She’s bringing John Magnus and William Tromper with her. VANILLITY (_dazed_) John Magnus! JUDGE CRITTY And William Tromper! VANILLITY (_dazed_) John Magnus!! JUDGE CRITTY And William Tromper’s the general manager of the Magnus Steel Works! He’s going to offer our friend (_waving toward laboratory_) one hundred thousand dollars a year! Chief chemist of the works! VANILLITY One hundred thousand dollars a year? My God!! (_A silence; changed tone; nods toward laboratory_) But _he_ won’t take it! JUDGE CRITTY He _will_ take it. That’s your job! VANILLITY (_starts_) Mine? JUDGE CRITTY And mine. To persuade him! VANILLITY (_dazed_) Fanny wants him to? JUDGE CRITTY Yes! And so do you. VANILLITY I? Never! (_Springs to his feet_) JUDGE CRITTY Have another drink! VANILLITY My _dear_ Lytey— JUDGE CRITTY Take it! (_Having poured it, he forces it on Vanillity again_) And so do you! (_With emphasis_) VANILLITY It’s wicked! It’s sinful! JUDGE CRITTY Have— VANILLITY