The Red Light of Mars; or, A Day in the Life of the Devil: A Philosophical ComedyBronson-Howard, George
Philosophy
The Red Light of Mars; or, A Day in the Life of the Devil: A Philosophical Comedy
Bronson-Howard, George
Devil -- Drama; Long Island (N.Y.) -- Drama
Fighting for their children and their homes, they were—for the right
to have more than cattle or pigs—more than a place to sleep—and
enough food to keep them working. Food! Ha! Like gasoline put into a
motor-car—
TROMPER
I was fighting to save you money—
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL
Against the men you used to work with, side by side, your own
blood-brothers—
TROMPER
No brothers of mine, those sweating, smelly ignorant dogs! I might have
been born one. That wasn’t _my_ fault. But I didn’t stay one.
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL
No, and I’ll bet I know why. Because you spied on them, carried tales,
for little foreman jobs, and sweated more work out of them.
TROMPER (_bitterly_)
Always saving you money—
MRS. FELIX (_to Schwartzenhopfel_)
You see, John: all crime, bloodshed, murder finally comes back to
yourself. He said it: “_Always saving you money_.”
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL
I’m going to change all that. Consequently I don’t need his sort any
more.
MRS. FELIX (_delightedly_)
You are? (_Suspiciously_) But so suddenly—what’s changed you?
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_points toward the laboratory_) The—(_corrects
himself_) D—Doctor. (_Enthusiastically_) The trouble about us human
beings is that we don’t know nothing about nothing—
MRS. FELIX
Can’t you be moral and retain your grammar?
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_disregarding her, enthusiastically_) Then he comes
along (_pointing toward laboratory_) and shows us that millionaires on
one hand—anarchists on the other—are one part right, ninety-nine parts
wrong—
FANNY (_bursts into wild tears again_)
And I’ve lost him! I’ve lost him!
[_Mrs. Felix comforts her._
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_to Tromper_)
How much have you saved? Not for me—for yourself?
TROMPER (_haughtily_)
I don’t save; I invest.
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL
Worth half a million, aren’t you? Not above grafting some of that
sweat-and-blood money you saved for me, are you?
TROMPER
I defy you to prove it. I defy anybody. I’ve been strictly honest.
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL
No matter, Tromper, no matter—you ’re fired! I never want to see your
face again.
TROMPER
You’ll regret this the longest day you live, you—
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL
Be careful. I still own the judges and the politicians. Don’t try to
stand in my way, or I’ll job you into jail. Get out!
TROMPER (_suddenly whining_)
How am I to get back to New York?
MRS. FELIX (_touching Schwartzenhopfel’s shoulder_)
Don’t be little, John—
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_repressing himself_)
The automobile will take you back. Wait for it at the Inn.
TROMPER (_thinking he is relenting_)
One word, sir—
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL
Not one. (_Points to the door_)
[_Tromper goes out abjectedly._
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL (_turning suddenly to valet_)
What do I pay you?
VALET (_alarmed on behalf of his own position_)
Only a hundred a month, sir.
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL
And what you can steal, eh?
VALET (_earnestly_)
Mr. Magnus, sir.
SCHWARTZENHOPFEL
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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