Adventure stories, American; Fiction; Short stories
IT was the summer of 1897, and there was trouble in the Tarwater family.
Grandfather Tarwater, after remaining properly subdued and crushed for a
quiet decade, had broken out again. This time it was the Klondike fever.
His first and one unvarying symptom of such attacks was song. One chant
only he raised, though he remembered no more than the first stanza and
but three lines of that. And the family knew his feet were itching and
his brain was tingling with the old madness, when he lifted his
hoarse-cracked voice, now falsetto-cracked, in:
Like Argus of the ancient times,
We leave this modern Greece,
Tum-tum, tum-tum, tum, tum, tum-tum,
To shear the Golden Fleece.
Ten years earlier he had lifted the chant, sung to the air of the
“Doxology,” when afflicted with the fever to go gold-mining in Patagonia.
The multitudinous family had sat upon him, but had had a hard time doing
it. When all else had failed to shake his resolution, they had applied
lawyers to him, with the threat of getting out guardianship papers and of
confining him in the state asylum for the insane—which was reasonable for
a man who had, a quarter of a century before, speculated away all but ten
meagre acres of a California principality, and who had displayed no
better business acumen ever since.
The application of lawyers to John Tarwater was like the application of a
mustard plaster. For, in his judgment, they were the gentry, more than
any other, who had skinned him out of the broad Tarwater acres. So, at
the time of his Patagonian fever, the very thought of so drastic a remedy
was sufficient to cure him. He quickly demonstrated he was not crazy by
shaking the fever from him and agreeing not to go to Patagonia.
Next, he demonstrated how crazy he really was, by deeding over to his
family, unsolicited, the ten acres on Tarwater Flat, the house, barn,
outbuildings, and water-rights. Also did he turn over the eight hundred
dollars in bank that was the long-saved salvage of his wrecked fortune.
But for this the family found no cause for committal to the asylum, since
such committal would necessarily invalidate what he had done.
“Grandfather is sure peeved,” said Mary, his oldest daughter, herself a
grandmother, when her father quit smoking.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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