"My pronunciation is above reproach, Jacob. Therefore I will not repeat myself. Attend me closely or I shall punish you." "'Y God, I heard you all right and you didn't make sense!" said Jacob, determined not to be frightened. "Now if you aim to talk with me, stop imitatin' a professor and talk so's a man can understand you. I ain't scared of you, so leave off makin' threats!" "Such stupid insolence!" gloated the Weapon. "Already I feel my wrath growing within me! Since it will anger me even more to explain my words to you, I will do exactly that. My first words to you were, 'Eyes of your Terran Deity,' an expression you use frequently in a corrupted form to begin your statements. By studying your language, I learned that 'Zounds' is a similar corruption referring to the wounds of the Deity, while 'Strewth' refers to your God's truth. Thus, I was able to understand, and state in uncorrupted form, your remark, 'Eye God.'" "'Tain't what it means," objected Jacob, filling his mouth with ersatz tobacco. "It just means _by_ God." The Weapon considered this. "And exactly what is the significance of such a remark?" Jacob scratched his whiskered chin. "I reckon you got me there. I guess it means that I mean what I say." "In other words, any statement you make following that phrase is to be taken seriously?" "Somethin' like that." "Then it follows that your other statements, without the 'by God' preface, are not seriously intended. Are they jokes or lies?" "That ain't the way it is at all! I just say 'by God' when I feel like it, not every time I'm bein' serious." "Monstrous inconsistency!" groaned the Weapon dramatically. "Ah, chaotic universe! Is there then no sublime plan, no fateful development to your endless succession of days? How could even the most synoptic First Principle find a purpose for creating such an unplanned, unreasonable species as the Humans? Can it be--unhappy thought!--that there is no plan to it all, and we exist for naught?" Jacob listened with open mouth. "Say," he broke in, "are you some kind of play-actor?" "That is what I ask myself," the Weapon continued its oratorical flight. "Are we all actors, speaking the lines written for us by a Great Playwright who plans to unite all the threads of his plot in a universal climax to come? Or are we poor random creatures without purpose?" It paused and added in a more conversational tone, "But that is not what you mean by your question. No, I am not a play-actor. I am an unfortunate weapon, reluctant to employ myself for my intended purpose of destruction of life and unsuited by my structure for the doing of deeds more worthy in nature." Jacob squinted about. "A weapon, huh? Let's see you hit that bird thing sittin' in that tree over there." "Bloodthirsty fiend! I do not kill for amusement!"