The Remarkable History of Sir Thomas Upmore, bart., M.P., formerly known as "Tommy Upmore"Blackmore, R. D. (Richard Doddridge)
General
The Remarkable History of Sir Thomas Upmore, bart., M.P., formerly known as "Tommy Upmore"
Blackmore, R. D. (Richard Doddridge)
Great Britain -- Politics and government -- 19th century -- Fiction; Satire
For no sooner had I heard what was likely to befall me, than my heart
seemed to turn into a lump of cold lead. At once my airy revolutions
ceased, my hands (which had been hovering like butterflies) stopped, and
dropped, like beetles that have struck against a post, and down I came
plump, with both feet upon the tassel of the trencher-cap upon the
doctor's head.
This must have been a very trying moment, both for his patience and my
courage, and it is not fair to expect me to remember everything that
happened. However, I feel that if I had been caned, there would have
been a mark upon my memory; even as boys bear the limits of the parish
in their minds, through their physical geography. Likely enough my head
was giddy, from so much revolving; and Chumps living near us marched me
home, with a big lexicon strapped on my back, to prevent me from trying
to fly again.
CHAPTER III.
THE DAWN OF SCIENCE.
Most people, and more especially our writers of fiction, history,
philosophy, and so forth, indulge in reflection, at those moments, when
they are soaring above our heads; but I have always found myself so
unlucky in this matter, as in many others, that nothing would ever come
into my head, when aloft, to be any good when I came down. Or, at least
only once, as will be shown hereafter; and that was the exception, which
proves the rule.
Otherwise, I might now give many nice and precise descriptions of
"variant motions and emotions, both somatic and psychical"--as Professor
Brachipod expressed them--which must, according to his demonstration,
have been inside me, at my first flight. Very likely they were; and even
if they were not, it would never pay me to be positive--or negative
perhaps is the proper word now--because ignorant science is
remunerative, and nothing can be got by impugning it.
Yet that consideration, I assure you, has nothing to do with my present
silence. I am silent, simply because I know nothing; and if all so
placed would try my plan, how much less would be said and written!
Nevertheless all biologists, psychologists, anthropologists, and the
rest of our race who make it their study (after proving it wholly below
their heed) these men, if they deign to be called such, have a claim
upon me for all my facts; which I will not grudge, when I know them.
From the very outset, they felt this; and my father and mother, who had
not slept well, through talking so much of my above adventure--recounted
perhaps with some embellishment by Chumps--hardly had got through their
breakfast before some eminent "scientists" were at them. For my part,
having made a hearty supper, (after long scarcity of butcher's meat,) or
perhaps from having swallowed so much air, I had slept long and soundly,
and was turning for another good sleep, when I heard great voices.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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