The Remarkable History of Sir Thomas Upmore, bart., M.P., formerly known as "Tommy Upmore"Blackmore, R. D. (Richard Doddridge)
General
The Remarkable History of Sir Thomas Upmore, bart., M.P., formerly known as "Tommy Upmore"
Blackmore, R. D. (Richard Doddridge)
Great Britain -- Politics and government -- 19th century -- Fiction; Satire
I was let off, early in the afternoon, as mother had asked that I might
be; and with a good wind at my back, I made my way home, at such a pace,
that every one turned to look at me; for my lead had been laid aside,
through father's illness, which was weight enough. My mother was equally
short of breath, with pleasure and excitement, when she ran out to kiss
me. And she said,
"Oh, Tommy, your father is as well as ever, I do believe. He came
downstairs without a stick, and he wrote for an hour about something;
and then he made a capital dinner, and slept a little in the afternoon.
And Dr. Flebotham came and saw him, and said, 'My dear sir, not too
fast! You are getting well, at a wonderful rate, but you must avoid
excitement. You are not quite out of our hands yet.' And then he turned
to me, and said, 'We must be careful of the heart, dear madam. The heart
has had a sharp trial, and has borne it well; so far as we can see. But
we must not be too hard upon it, while its action is so weak. Any sudden
shock, for instance, might have very grave results.' Your father began
to laugh at this, until he remembered how very kind the doctor had been,
and so skilful. And then he begged his pardon, and shook hands with him;
and the doctor said, 'Not a bad grip that, Mr. Upmore, for a hand that
was like a swab, on Monday. Keep him quiet, and he will do. Ah, I shall
boast of this case, a little; and I am sure you will help me, madam.'
And so I will, Tommy, though I never can approve of being called
'Madam,' like a Frenchwoman; for your dear father is in such spirits,
that he has taken an ounce of bird's-eye with him, and gone to his
favourite corner, by the tree; where the wind brings down the smoke so
well, and what the people who write in the papers call the 'pestilential
fumes.' All he now wants to set him up, is that, and a quart of
fresh-drawn stout; and he said, that he would wait for that, till you
came home from school to fetch it. So don't stop now, to do anything, my
dear, except to put your slop-coat on, but run down to the tree, and
here is the eightpence--a couple of Joeys, as you call them--and there's
going to be a crab for supper, Tommy; such a beauty, from a friend of
yours! I'll tell you all about it, when you come back, and you shall
have his toes to suck, while you help me to do his cream."
I did love a crab, I always did. And as the greatest delight in oysters
hovers over opening them (for no delight does more than hover), so of a
crab, the finest hope is in getting him ready to be eaten, and in
tasting stolen bits of him.
"You may look at him, Tommy," my dear mother said; and there he lay
among lettuces, with his sweet legs clasped, as if in prayer for some
one to come and eat them, and his fat claws crossed, in resignation to
the mallet, or the rolling-pin.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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