The Remarkable History of Sir Thomas Upmore, bart., M.P., formerly known as "Tommy Upmore"Blackmore, R. D. (Richard Doddridge)
General
The Remarkable History of Sir Thomas Upmore, bart., M.P., formerly known as "Tommy Upmore"
Blackmore, R. D. (Richard Doddridge)
Great Britain -- Politics and government -- 19th century -- Fiction; Satire
My mother gave him twopence, which she said was such a lucky sum, that
it might save all the ill effects, though Mr. Cope had assured her that
there could be no harm done by it; and after great deliberation, with a
view to sixpence, and measuring me round the chest--thirty-nine inches
and a half, and levelling the top of my head at five feet six and
three-quarters (to which I added two inches afterwards), he put me on
his plate, and started backward in amazement.
"Must be zummat wrong with this here," he said; "no young gent, of that
bigness, ever could draw under six stone six. There's plenty of grown up
people does; but then they be dwarfs, or mites, or scrummies. But you be
a fair-grown young gent, sir; taller, and bigger than the average of the
British army, now-a-days; though not up to the size of the Peelers.
Never can be true weight this. Ma'am, will you please step on, to try
the machine? Twopence pays for two, you know."
"I am astonished, that you should think of such a thing," my dear mother
answered, as she turned away; "I dare say, your machine is as right as
usual. You don't buy, or sell, by it. Tommy, my dear, have your ticket
printed; and come after me to our carriage-entrance."
"I puts you at eighteen, ma'am, eighteen stone, every pound of it;" the
Standard-man called after her, and thereby lost the sixpence which I was
holding in my hand for him; "but as for this young gent, if he ain't
flying Tommy, as I've heer'd of,--my opinion is that he ought to be."
I was sorry to find, that the like opinion, or at least a suspicion to
that effect, had already reached Oxford, long before I did. Mr. Cope had
most kindly accompanied me, when I went up to matriculate; but certainly
he would have kept strict silence, as to my sad affliction, unless he
had thought it his duty perhaps, to speak of it confidentially to the
Tutor appointed me by the College; and that appointment was rather a
formal than a real matter in my time, and would scarcely be made, till I
went into residence. I have known many men, who could not tell, which of
the College-Tutors was their special Mentor; though in that respect, I
was very lucky.
However that may be, I saw at once, when the College met for the term at
Chapel, that in some way or other, my fame had outrun me; and I could
not ascribe it to my mental gifts, which were by no means eminent. All
the under-graduates looked at me, with warm but not rude inquiry; and
even the Dons, from their lofty thrones, vouchsafed me sidelong glances.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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