The Remarkable History of Sir Thomas Upmore, bart., M.P., formerly known as "Tommy Upmore"Blackmore, R. D. (Richard Doddridge)
General
The Remarkable History of Sir Thomas Upmore, bart., M.P., formerly known as "Tommy Upmore"
Blackmore, R. D. (Richard Doddridge)
Great Britain -- Politics and government -- 19th century -- Fiction; Satire
"Oh, Tommy darling," she cried, as she caught me, and kissed me quite
into the china-cupboard, for we always had breakfast in the kitchen,
when out of a maid-of-all-work: "my own little Tommy, do you know why
you fly? All the greatest men in the kingdom have been here, to prove
that you do it from reasons of Herod, Heroditical something--but he was
a bad man, and murdered a million of little ones. They may prove what
they like; and of course they know more about my own child, than I do. I
don't care that for their science," said mother, snapping her thumb,
which was large and very fat; "but tell me, Tommy, from your own dear
feelings, what it was that made you fly so?"
"I didn't fly, mother; I only went up, because I could not help it.
Because I was so empty, and felt certain of getting full again, quite
early in the holidays."
"Begin at once, darling, and don't talk. Oh, it is a cruel, cruel thing,
that you should leave the ground for want of victuals, when your father
clears eight pounds a week. Deny it as he may, I can prove it to him.
But I have found out what makes you fly. A flip for their science, and
thundering words!"
"Well, mother, I don't want to do it again;" I answered as well as I
could, with my mouth quite full of good bacon, and a baker's roll; "but
do please tell me what made me do it."
"Tommy, the reason is out of the Bible. You cannot help flying, just
because you are an angel."
"They never told me that at school," I said; "and old Rum would have
caned me, if he could reach. But he never would have dared to cane an
angel."
"Hush, Tommy, hush! How dare you call that learned old gentleman, with
white hair, 'old Rum'? But never mind, darling. Whatever you do, don't
leave off eating."
For this I might be trusted, after all I had been through; and so well
did I spend my days at home (especially when Bill Chumps came to dine
with us, upon his own stipulation what the dinner was to be), that
instead of going up into the air at all, the stoutest lover of his
native land could not have surpassed me in sticking to it.
Chumps, though the foremost of boys, was inclined to be shy with
grown-up people, till mother emboldened him with ginger-wine, and then
he gave such an account of my exploit, that my father, and mother,
looked at him with faces as different as could be. My mother's face was
all eyes and mouth, with admiration, delight, excitement, vigorous
faith, and desire for more; my father's face was all eyebrows, nose, and
lips; and he shook his big head, that neighbour Chumps should have such
a liar for his eldest son. Nothing but the evidence of his own eyes
would ever convince Bucephalus Upmore, that a son of his, or of any
other Englishman, came out of an egg; without which there was no flying.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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