The Remarkable History of Sir Thomas Upmore, bart., M.P., formerly known as "Tommy Upmore"Blackmore, R. D. (Richard Doddridge)
General
The Remarkable History of Sir Thomas Upmore, bart., M.P., formerly known as "Tommy Upmore"
Blackmore, R. D. (Richard Doddridge)
Great Britain -- Politics and government -- 19th century -- Fiction; Satire
"But, when I found that all these beauties were real, and could have no
deception about them, (because the fair woman was made of wood) I became
very eager to possess these charms, if it might be done, without
fool-hardiness. Edwards assured me, that with a little dash, and
management, it might well be done; for _Jumbilug's_ house was a good bit
away from the town of these savages, and very near the sea. And if we
desired to punish the barbarians--as every man John of us burned to
do--for the murder of poor little Tommy, and the massacre, roasting, and
devouring of seventeen helpless white men, nothing could be such a
desperate blow to them, as to lose their idol. For generation, after
generation, had spent their best treasures in adorning her.
"'If she's worth a penny, she's worth £50,000; and they'd rather lose
their biggest chief, and all their wives, and daughters. I'm no judge of
jewels, captain, but her eyes are something to beat all female
embellishment. They come after you, all over the place, and they shine
by night, like a million fire-flies. The tradition of the people is,
that they were brought by a bird with great wings, from a country far
away; perhaps an old trading ship from Borneo. Anyhow, there they are;
and the pearls of teeth, as big as my thumb pretty nearly, and the
tongue some red jewel they pick out of the rocks, and the hair spun gold
almost down to her waist, and the whole of the breast covered up with
fine pearls--ah, you should have seen her when the full moon shone, as
it did upon the night when I was dedicated!'
"This description, my dear Tommy, produced a very fine effect upon my
mind. I have heard your dear mother say, a hundred times, that nothing
is so elevating to the male nature as admiration of a virtuous female.
And where could I hope to find any female, half so virtuous as
_Jumbilug_? But I cautioned Rees Edwards, not to let our fellows know,
what the value of this fair maiden was.
"'You are right,' he made answer, 'we should lose half her pearls;
though the other things won't come out easily at all. When the priest
was asleep one night, I just ventured to feel the bright tip of her
tongue; but it was firm, anchored in good holding ground. We must have a
scheme to bring her off entire, and not let them know that we do it for
her value, but for the outrage and cruelty of them. All that we can plan
out afterwards; but first find out, whether they are up for it. Of
course if they are not, we can't drive them to it.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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