The Remarkable History of Sir Thomas Upmore, bart., M.P., formerly known as "Tommy Upmore" — John Shaqi
The Remarkable History of Sir Thomas Upmore, bart., M.P., formerly known as "Tommy Upmore"Blackmore, R. D. (Richard Doddridge)
General
The Remarkable History of Sir Thomas Upmore, bart., M.P., formerly known as "Tommy Upmore"
Blackmore, R. D. (Richard Doddridge)
Great Britain -- Politics and government -- 19th century -- Fiction; Satire
Beginning to feel my own importance, I began to grow quite brave almost,
and ventured to take down my hands from my face, and turn round a
little, and peep from the corners of my eyes at these great magicians.
And as soon as I saw, that the foremost of them had been carried out of
our house by father, and sent away over the cinder-heaps, there came a
sort of rising in my mind, which told me to try to stick up to them. And
when they fell out one with another, as they lost no time in doing, they
made me think somehow about the old women who came to pick over our
ash-heaps--until through the doorway I saw another face, the kindest and
grandest I ever had seen, the face of Professor Megalow.
Before I had time to get afraid again, there was no chance left to run
away; for the four professors had occupied all the four sides of my
body. They poked me, and pulled me in every direction, and felt every
tender part of me, and would have been glad to unbutton my raiment, if
the master had allowed it. And they used such mighty words as nobody may
reproduce correctly, unless he was born, or otherwise endowed, with a
ten-chain tape at the back of his tongue. Every one talked, as fast as
if the rest were listening eagerly; and every one listened, as much as
if the rest had nought to say to him. For all worked different walks of
science, and each was certain that the other's walk was crooked.
I assure you, that this was a very difficult thing for me to deal with,
having so many tongues going on about me, and so many hands going into
me, and a strong pull in one direction, crossed by a stronger push in
the other. Moreover, two learned gentlemen wanted to throw me up
perpendicular; while other two, of equal learning, would launch me on
high horizontally. Between, and among, and amid them all, there was like
to be nothing but specimens left of unfortunate Tommy Upmore.
"Gentlemen, gentlemen!" shouted Dr. Rumbelow; but they did not answer to
that name. "Professors, professors, forbear, I beseech you. Is this
scientific investigation? I will have no vivisection here"--for they
hurt me so much, that I now screamed out--"I am sorry to lay hands upon
you, but humanity compels me. Now, unless you all sit down, I shall send
Argeiphontes for the police. I grieve that you drive me to such strong
measures. But I cannot have my little Icarus treated like Orpheus, or
Actæon."
Luckily for me the doctor's body might vie with his mind in grasp of
subject; and he soon had Professors Brachipod, Jargoon, and Mullicles
seated in their chairs. But the fourth professor (whose name was
Chocolous, and himself a foreigner of some kind) entreated that he might
not be compelled to sit.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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