The Remarkable History of Sir Thomas Upmore, bart., M.P., formerly known as "Tommy Upmore"Blackmore, R. D. (Richard Doddridge)
General
The Remarkable History of Sir Thomas Upmore, bart., M.P., formerly known as "Tommy Upmore"
Blackmore, R. D. (Richard Doddridge)
Great Britain -- Politics and government -- 19th century -- Fiction; Satire
It was not in my nature, to be put down, without having something to say
for it. My mind was of ordinary substance, and perhaps rather heavy; to
balance the body, as well as to keep the heart company, at times when
the pair were in trouble together. But my body was not a mere somebody,
neither an anybody, nor a common nobody; but a substance, in some wise
remarkable, and surely as distinguished as that of the great
knuckle-duster. He had won fame, to his own satisfaction; by deeds more
surprising to the public ear, but far less so to the public eye, than
those of which I was capable.
Now, which is more potent, the ear, or the eye? Which throws the
quickest flash into the brain, and fills it with action the longest?
Even before we have learned enough of speech, to be certain that all men
are liars, how slowly creep in, at the sides of the head, the things
that leap in, at the front of it! "Hot are the stings of the eye, but
cold the pains of the ear," says an ancient; pithier for once than
Horace.
This being so, what should prevent me, from attaining a hotter fame than
even Mr. Panclast's? He could beat his drum upon the ear alone, and
sound his own trumpet into waxy cells; but I could fly straight into the
retina of the brain, and block the whole traffic of the optic nerve.
"I will cultivate the lofty gifts of nature," I exclaimed, when
everybody else was gone to bed; "for the sake of my country, I am bound
to do it. Sir Roland was right, and the great Professor wrong. Why did
he say to me--'Fly no more; aerial Tommy, fly no more'? Why, simply
because he is a Rad, and foresees confusion to the Rad race, in my
powers when developed. So far as my own convictions go, there is
scarcely the seed of a fig, between a Rad, and a Tory, when they are let
alone. But the difference is, that a Rad can be lashed up, like a
half-broken horse, into any fit of kicking, and cares not a rap, what he
smashes in his rage. But a Tory is far less impetuous; he has a much
stronger perception of the rights of others, and especially of his
country's claim upon him. Such are the men, who are needed now. Panclast
has an extraordinary gift of lashing up quiet folk, to kick against
their neighbours, and of running round the corner, when his own legs
are in jeopardy. However, he is the master of the yard for the present,
in virtue of his powers of swearing, Roly says--but there must be a
great deal more than that."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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