The Remarkable History of Sir Thomas Upmore, bart., M.P., formerly known as "Tommy Upmore" — John Shaqi
The Remarkable History of Sir Thomas Upmore, bart., M.P., formerly known as "Tommy Upmore"Blackmore, R. D. (Richard Doddridge)
General
The Remarkable History of Sir Thomas Upmore, bart., M.P., formerly known as "Tommy Upmore"
Blackmore, R. D. (Richard Doddridge)
Great Britain -- Politics and government -- 19th century -- Fiction; Satire
But alas, when I came to the top of a rise, from which I expected to see
my dear parents, or at any rate our cinder-heap, there was nothing of
the kind in sight. The breeze had swept me up the Barnet road; and
yonder was the smoke of our chimney, like a streak, a mile away down to
the left of me. All the foot of the hill, which is now panelled out into
walls, and streets, of the great cattle-market, remained to be crossed,
without help of the wind, ere ever I was safe inside our door. And the
worst of it was, that the ground had no cover,--not a house, nor a
tree, nor so much as a ditch, for a smallish boy to creep along; only
piles of rubbish, here and there, and a few swampy places, where snipes
sometimes pitched down, to have a taste of London.
Tired as I was, after that great run, and scant of breath, and
faint-hearted--for the sun was gone down below Highgate Hill, and my
spirits ever seem to sink with him--I started anew for my own sweet
home, by the mark of the smoke of our boiling-house. I could hear my
heart going pit-a-pat, faster than my weary feet went; for the place was
as lonely as science could desire, for a snug job of vivisection. Of
that grisly horror I knew not as yet the name, nor the meaning
precisely; but a boy at our school, who was a surgeon's son, used to
tell things, in bed, there was no sleeping after. And once he had said,
"If they could catch you, Tommy, what a treat you would be, to be
lectured on!"
As the dusk grew deeper in the hollow places, and the ribs of the naked
hills paler, I began to get more and more afraid, and to start back, and
listen at my own footstep. And before I could hear what I hoped to
hear--the anvil of the blacksmith down our lane--the air began to
thicken with the reeking of the earth, and the outline of everything in
sight was blurred, and a very tired fellow could not tell, at any
moment, what to run away from, without running into worse. At one time,
I thought of sitting down, and hiding in a dip of the ground, till night
came on, and my enemies could not see me; but although that might have
been the safest plan, my courage would not hold out for it. So on I
went, in fear and trembling, peeping, and peering, both behind me and
before, and longing with all my heart to see our own door.
But instead of that, oh, what a sight I saw--the most fearful that can
be imagined! From the womb of the earth, those four professors (whose
names are known all over it), Brachipod, Jargoon, Chocolous, and
Mullicles, came forth, and joined hands in front of me. They laughed,
with a low scientific laugh, like a surgical blade on the grindstone.
"Capital, capital!" Brachipod cried; "we have got him all snug to
ourselves, at last. Let me get my hook into my pretty little eel."
"Famous, famous!" said the deep voice of Jargoon; "now you shall see,
how I work my compressor."
"Hoch, hoch!" chuckled Chocolous; "ve have catch ze leetle baird at
last. I vill demonstrate his bacilli."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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