The Remarkable History of Sir Thomas Upmore, bart., M.P., formerly known as "Tommy Upmore"Blackmore, R. D. (Richard Doddridge)
General
The Remarkable History of Sir Thomas Upmore, bart., M.P., formerly known as "Tommy Upmore"
Blackmore, R. D. (Richard Doddridge)
Great Britain -- Politics and government -- 19th century -- Fiction; Satire
In support of this view, there is much to be said; and according to my
own experience, ten people are killed, by the making and opening of
drains, for one who can hope in his lungs, that he breathes better air
when near them. Nature has designed the human race, to stand well apart
on the face of the earth, and not huddle up in hillocks, as the emmets
do; and their certainty of fighting, when they get too thick, shows
this, without further argument. And another thing that proves it, is the
fact, that when they clot together, they make drains; which destroy
everybody who is fond of them. My father was as well as any man could
be, till what they call "sanitary engineering" broke his constitution;
and the lively smells, that our works had scattered, were bottled into
deadly poison.
As yet, I was too young to understand such matters, or even to give a
thought to them; but the standing I took upon that whale, and the
pleasure with which I went into him, did a great deal for me, in the
good opinion (than which there could be no better one) of the kind
Professor Megalow. Roly would not come anigh our operations, after one
experiment, and a short one; but I, with my quickness and lightness of
tread, was of some little service, I do believe, in the cause of
harmless science. I learned all the names of the Professor's tools, and
could bring them to him, without wanting any ladder; and any little cut,
that could be made without much strength, I could make under his
direction, while he was at the bigger work. He did not attempt to get
all the skeleton, greatly as he longed to do so; for this was no whale
to be found every day, but one who had no business here; and his name
was something like chocolate. The Professor sighed heavily; as his bones
grew more, and more, attractive, and hung over us, like a great arbour
drooped with a fine lot of creepers; but he knew, long since, what it is
to depend, for money, upon the Government. Lucky would he be, to get the
head, and fins, and tail, and some odds and ends, if a dozen rival
claimants would let him have so much.
"That whale is mine," said Lady Twentifold; "he chose to land on my
property, and I give him to Professor Megalow; not to the Government,
that won't pay a penny, but to the Professor, to put in his own garden."
"That whale belongs to me," said the local receiver of the droits of the
Admiralty; "the foreshore is vested in the Crown, and the Admiralty
represents the Crown."
"Clearly, there can be no question," said the man, who represented the
Trinity House, "that the whale is ours; and we mean to have him."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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