LUCY O burn it, ma'am! the hair-dresser has torn away as far as _Proper Pride_. LYDIA Never mind--open at _Sobriety_.--Fling me _Lord Chesterfields Letters_.--Now for 'em. [Exit LUCY.] [Enter Mrs. MALAPROP, and Sir ANTHONY ABSOLUTE.] Mrs. MALAPROP There, Sir Anthony, there sits the deliberate simpleton who wants to disgrace her family, and lavish herself on a fellow not worth a shilling. LYDIA Madam, I thought you once---- Mrs. MALAPROP You thought, miss! I don't know any business you have to think at all--thought does not become a young woman. But the point we would request of you is, that you will promise to forget this fellow--to illiterate him, I say, quite from your memory. LYDIA Ah, madam! our memories are independent of our wills. It is not so easy to forget. Mrs. MALAPROP But I say it is, miss; there is nothing on earth so easy as to forget, if a person chooses to set about it. I'm sure I have as much forgot your poor dear uncle as if he had never existed--and I thought it my duty so to do; and let me tell you, Lydia, these violent memories don't become a young woman. Sir ANTHONY Why sure she won't pretend to remember what she's ordered not!--ay, this comes of her reading! LYDIA What crime, madam, have I committed, to be treated thus? Mrs. MALAPROP Now don't attempt to extirpate yourself from the matter; you know I have proof controvertible of it.--But tell me, will you promise to do as you're bid? Will you take a husband of your friends' choosing? LYDIA Madam, I must tell you plainly, that had I no preferment for any one else, the choice you have made would be my aversion. Mrs. MALAPROP What business have you, miss, with preference and aversion? They don't become a young woman; and you ought to know, that as both always wear off, 'tis safest in matrimony to begin with a little aversion. I am sure I hated your poor dear uncle before marriage as if he'd been a blackamoor--and yet, miss, you are sensible what a wife I made!--and when it pleased Heaven to release me from him, 'tis unknown what tears I shed!--But suppose we were going to give you another choice, will you promise us to give up this Beverley? LYDIA Could I belie my thoughts so far as to give that promise, my actions would certainly as far belie my words. Mrs. MALAPROP Take yourself to your room.--You are fit company for nothing but your own ill-humours. LYDIA Willingly, ma'am--I cannot change for the worse. [Exit.] Mrs. MALAPROP There's a little intricate hussy for you! Sir ANTHONY It is not to be wondered at, ma'am,--all this is the natural consequence of teaching girls to read. Had I a thousand daughters, by Heaven! I'd as soon have them taught the black art as their alphabet! Mrs. MALAPROP Nay, nay, Sir Anthony, you are an absolute misanthropy.