LUCY Ha! ha! ha!--So, my dear Simplicity, let me give you a little respite.--[Altering her manner.] Let girls in my station be as fond as they please of appearing expert, and knowing in their trusts; commend me to a mask of silliness, and a pair of sharp eyes for my own interest under it!--Let me see to what account have I turned my simplicity lately.--[Looks at a paper.] For _abetting Miss Lydia Languish in a design of running away with an ensign!--in money, sundry times, twelve pound twelve; gowns, five; hats, ruffles, caps, &c., &c., numberless!--From the said ensign, within this last month, six guineas and a half_.--About a quarter's pay!--Item, _from Mrs. Malaprop, for betraying the young people to her_--when I found matters were likely to be discovered--_two guineas, and a black paduasoy._--Item, _from Mr. Acres, for carrying divers letters_--which I never delivered--_two guineas, and a pair of buckles._--Item, _from Sir Lucius O'Trigger, three crowns, two gold pocket-pieces, and a silver snuff-box!_--Well done, Simplicity!--Yet I was forced to make my Hibernian believe, that he was corresponding, not with the aunt, but with the niece; for though not over rich, I found he had too much pride and delicacy to sacrifice the feelings of a gentleman to the necessities of his fortune. [Exit.] * * * * * * * * * * * ACT II * * * * * * * Scene I.--CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE's Lodgings. [CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE and FAG.] FAG Sir, while I was there Sir Anthony came in: I told him you had sent me to inquire after his health, and to know if he was at leisure to see you. ABSOLUTE And what did he say, on hearing I was at Bath? FAG Sir, in my life I never saw an elderly gentleman more astonished! He started back two or three paces, rapped out a dozen interjectural oaths, and asked, what the devil had brought you here. ABSOLUTE Well, sir, and what did you say? FAG Oh, I lied, sir--I forgot the precise lie; but you may depend on't, he got no truth from me. Yet, with submission, for fear of blunders in future, I should be glad to fix what has brought us to Bath; in order that we may lie a little consistently. Sir Anthony's servants were curious, sir, very curious indeed. ABSOLUTE You have said nothing to them? FAG Oh, not a word, sir,--not a word! Mr. Thomas, indeed, the coachman (whom I take to be the discreetest of whips)---- ABSOLUTE 'Sdeath!--you rascal! you have not trusted him! FAG Oh, no, sir--no--no--not a syllable, upon my veracity!--He was, indeed, a little inquisitive; but I was sly, sir--devilish sly! My master (said I), honest Thomas (you know, sir, one says honest to one's inferiors,) is come to Bath to recruit--Yes, sir, I said to recruit--and whether for men, money, or constitution, you know, sir, is nothing to him, nor any one else. ABSOLUTE Well, recruit will do--let it be so.