ACRES Out, you poltroon! you ha'n't the valour of a grasshopper. DAVID Well, I say no more--'twill be sad news, to be sure, at Clod-Hall! but I ha' done.--How Phillis will howl when she hears of it!--Ay, poor bitch, she little thinks what shooting her master's going after! And I warrant old Crop, who has carried your honour, field and road, these ten years, will curse the hour he was born. [Whimpering.] ACRES It won't do, David--I am determined to fight--so get along you coward, while I'm in the mind. [Enter SERVANT.] SERVANT Captain Absolute, sir. ACRES Oh! show him up. [Exit SERVANT.] DAVID Well, Heaven send we be all alive this time to-morrow. ACRES What's that?--Don't provoke me, David! DAVID Good-bye, master. [Whimpering.] ACRES Get along, you cowardly, dastardly, croaking raven! [Exit DAVID.] [Enter CAPTAIN ABSOLUTE.] ABSOLUTE What's the matter, Bob? ACRES A vile, sheep-hearted blockhead! If I hadn't the valour of St. George and the dragon to boot---- ABSOLUTE But what did you want with me, Bob? ACRES Oh!--There---- [Gives him the challenge.] ABSOLUTE [Aside.] To Ensign Beverley.--So, what's going on now?--[Aloud.] Well, what's this? ACRES A challenge! ABSOLUTE Indeed! Why, you won't fight him; will you, Bob? ACRES Egad, but I will, Jack. Sir Lucius has wrought me to it. He has left me full of rage--and I'll fight this evening, that so much good passion mayn't be wasted. ABSOLUTE But what have I to do with this? ACRES Why, as I think you know something of this fellow, I want you to find him out for me, and give him this mortal defiance. ABSOLUTE Well, give it to me, and trust me he gets it. ACRES Thank you, my dear friend, my dear Jack; but it is giving you a great deal of trouble. ABSOLUTE Not in the least--I beg you won't mention it.--No trouble in the world, I assure you. ACRES You are very kind.--What it is to have a friend!--You couldn't be my second, could you, Jack? ABSOLUTE Why no, Bob--not in this affair--it would not be quite so proper. ACRES Well, then, I must get my friend Sir Lucius. I shall have your good wishes, however, Jack? ABSOLUTE Whenever he meets you, believe me. [Re-enter SERVANT.] SERVANT Sir Anthony Absolute is below, inquiring for the captain. ABSOLUTE I'll come instantly.---- [Exit SERVANT.] Well, my little hero, success attend you. [Going.] ACRES ----Stay--stay, Jack.--If Beverley should ask you what kind of a man your friend Acres is, do tell him I am a devil of a fellow--will you, Jack? ABSOLUTE To be sure I shall. I'll say you are a determined dog--hey, Bob! ACRES Ah, do, do--and if that frightens him, egad, perhaps he mayn't come. So tell him I generally kill a man a week; will you, Jack? ABSOLUTE I will, I will; I'll say you are called in the country Fighting Bob. ACRES Right--right--'tis all to prevent mischief; for I don't want to take his life if I clear my honour. ABSOLUTE No!--that's very kind of you. ACRES Why, you don't wish me to kill him--do you, Jack?