Gilbert Lloyd had never been able during all the vicissitudes of
his career--in all its levities, its successes, its failures, its
schemes--to forget the warning, or even the phrasing, of this terrible
letter. He had burned it in a fury which would have hardly been
assuaged by the blood of the writer, and had tried to persuade himself
afterwards that he scoffed at the suspicions and the threat and the
precaution alike. But the effort failed: he did not scoff--he believed
and feared, and remembered; and in this strange and ominous
complication, which had brought his brother across his path under
circumstances which any man might have feared, he felt the futility of
his pretended indifference to an extent which resembled terror.
He wondered at himself now, when he remembered that whenever he had
thought about his wife at all in the early days after their
separation, in the few and scattered speculations which had arisen in
his mind about her, the idea of her ever loving another man had found
no place. So intense was his egotism, that, though he did not indulge
in the mere vanity of believing that she still loved _him_, and would
repent the step she had taken, he did not in the least realise her
matter-of-fact emancipation from the ties which they loosed by mutual
consent. He had sometimes wondered whether she got on well with her
liberty and her hundred pounds; whether she had gone back to the
drudgery of school-life, in the intensified form that drudgery assumes
to a teacher; whether she had any friends, and how she accounted to
them for her isolation; with other vague and placid vaticinations. But
that this young and handsome woman, who had found out the unworthiness
of her first love, had been rudely awakened from her woman's dream of
happiness, and had exchanged all the sentiment with which she had
regarded him for horror and contempt, and a steadily maintained
purpose of utter separation--that she should have a second love,
should dream again, never occurred to him. As little had he thought
about the probability of his meeting her in the widely divergent
course which his own life had taken from any within the previous
experience of either. But he had met her; and one of the unexpected
results of that undesirable event was to awaken him, with a shock, to
the strongest suspicion that she did love and dream again, and that
the object of the love and the dream was the man he most hated--was
his brother. How Gilbert Lloyd would have regarded this circumstance,
had he carried out his acceptation of the situation with such good
faith and such complete indifference as Gertrude evinced, had he been
able to see her again perfectly unmoved and without the slightest wish
to alter anything in their position, he did not stop seriously to
consider. This might have been; and for a minute or two his mind
glanced at certain cynical possibilities in such a case, which might
have enabled him to gratify his spite towards both his wife and his
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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