The Romance of Mathematics: Being the Original Researches of a Lady Professor of Girtham College in Polemical Science, with some Account of the Social Properties of a Conic; Equations to Brain Waves; Social Forces; and the Laws of Political Motion.Ditchfield, P. H. (Peter Hampson)
Science
The Romance of Mathematics: Being the Original Researches of a Lady Professor of Girtham College in Polemical Science, with some Account of the Social Properties of a Conic; Equations to Brain Waves; Social Forces; and the Laws of Political Motion.
Ditchfield, P. H. (Peter Hampson)
Satire, English; Women -- Education -- Great Britain
The following verses of rather doubtful merit were found in connection
with the previous MS. They were evidently written by a different hand;
but inasmuch as they were deemed worthy of preservation by the learned
owner of the sealed desk, we venture to publish them. They are closely
connected with the previous lecture, and were evidently composed by an
admirer of the fair lecturer who did not share her love for scientific
research.
Wavelet,[1] wing thy airy flight;
Let thine amplitude be great;
Tell her all my thoughts to-night,
How I long to know my fate.
All the fields of Mathematics
I have roamed at her decree;
From Binomial and Quadratics,
To the strange hyperbole.[2]
I have soared through Differential,
Deeply drunk of Finite Boole;[3]
Though its breath is pestilential,
Reeking of the hateful School.
I have tried to shape a Conic,
Vainly read the Calculus;
But my feebleness is chronic,
_Morbus Mathematicus_.
All my curves are cardioidal;
I confuse my _x_ and _y_s,
Which they say is suicidal;
And my tutor vainly sighs.
Wavelet, tell her how I love her,
As she mounts her learned throne;
And that love I hope may cover
All the failings which I own.
Wavelet, cry to her for pity;
Bid her end this bitter woe;
I might do something 'in the city,'
But never pass my Little-go.
[1] We presume this is addressed to an imaginary brain wave.
[2] We observe here the dash of an indignant pen, and a substituted
for e. But now the rhyme is spoiled. Gentle Muse, thou art
sacrificed by the stern hand of Mathematical Truth!
[3] Query: Does the writer refer to the learned treatise on Finite
Differences by Professor Boole?
PAPER III.
LECTURE ON THE SOCIAL PROPERTIES OF A CONIC SECTION,
AND THE THEORY OF POLEMICAL MATHEMATICS.
Most Learned Professors and Students of this University,--From the
interest manifested in my first lecture, I conclude that my method of
investigation has not proved altogether unsatisfactory to you, and I
hope ere long to produce certain investigations which will probably
startle you, and revolutionize the current thought of the age. The
application of mathematics to the study of Social Science and Political
Government has curiously enough escaped the attention of those who ought
to be most conversant with these matters. I shall endeavour to prove in
the present lecture that the relations between individuals and the
Government are similar to those which mathematical knowledge would lead
us to postulate, and to explain on scientific principles the various
convulsions which sometimes agitate the social and political world.
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