In the usual course of things, on any other day, she would have got up
and followed him, for she had always yielded to the fascination that had
first roused her faculties. She would have gone out just to pass in
front of him once or twice. But this time she had not obeyed what was
stronger than fascination, something within herself, which at the same
time prompted and restrained her. She only raised her arm and looked at
her hand. It was true. It had happened. He had kissed it. Formerly she
cared not how gloomy he was as long as he remained somewhere where she
could look at him--which she would do at every opportunity with an open
and unbridled innocence. But now she knew better than to do that. She
had got up, had passed through the kitchen, meeting without
embarrassment Catherine’s inquisitive glance, and had gone upstairs.
When she came down after a time, he was nowhere to be seen, and
everybody else too seemed to have gone into hiding; Michel, Peyrol,
Scevola.... But if she had met Scevola she would not have spoken to him.
It was now a very long time since she had volunteered a conversation
with Scevola. She guessed, however, that Scevola had simply gone to lie
down in his lair, a narrow shabby room lighted by one glazed little
window high up in the end wall. Catherine had put him in there on the
very day he had brought her niece home, and he had retained it for his
own ever since. She could even picture him to herself in there stretched
on his pallet. She was capable of that now. Formerly, for years after
her return, people that were out of her sight were out of her mind
also. Had they run away and left her she would not have thought of them
at all. She would have wandered in and out of the empty house and round
the empty fields without giving anybody a thought. Peyrol was the first
human being she had noticed for years. Peyrol, since he had come, had
always existed for her. And as a matter of fact the rover was generally
very much in evidence about the farm. That afternoon, however, even
Peyrol was not to be seen. Her uneasiness began to grow, but she felt a
strange reluctance to go into the kitchen, where she knew her aunt would
be sitting in the arm-chair like a presiding genius of the house taking
its rest, and unreadable in her immobility. And yet she felt she must
talk about Réal to somebody. This was how the idea of going down to the
church had come to her. She would talk of him to the priest and to God.
The force of old associations asserted itself. She had been taught to
believe that one could tell everything to a priest, and that the
omnipotent God who knew everything could be prayed to, asked for grace,
for strength, for mercy, for protection, for pity. She had done it and
felt she had been heard.
* * * * *
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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