At the foot of the grand staircase in the lighted hall of the official
building Réal suddenly thought: “And now I must go back to Escampobar.”
Indeed he had to go to Escampobar because the false dispatches were
there in the valise he had left behind. He couldn’t go back to the
Admiral and explain that he had lost them. They would look on him as an
unutterable idiot or a man gone mad. While walking to the quay where the
naval boat was waiting for him he said to himself: “This, in truth, is
my last visit for years--perhaps for life.”
Going back in the boat, notwithstanding that the breeze was very light,
he would not let the men take to the oars. He didn’t want to return
before the women had gone to bed. He said to himself that the proper
and honest thing to do was not to see Arlette again. He even managed to
persuade himself that his uncontrolled impulse had had no meaning for
that witless and unhappy creature. She had neither started, nor
exclaimed; she had made no sign. She had remained passive and then she
had backed away and sat down quietly. He could not even remember that
she had coloured at all. As to himself, he had enough self-control to
rise from the table and go out without looking at her again. Neither did
she make a sign. What could startle that body without mind? She had made
nothing of it, he thought with self-contempt. “Body without mind! Body
without mind!” he repeated with angry derision directed at himself. And
all at once he thought: “No. It isn’t that. All in her is mystery,
seduction, enchantment. And then--what do I care for her mind!”
This thought wrung from him a faint groan, so that the coxswain asked
respectfully: “Are you in pain, mon lieutenant?” “It’s nothing,” he
muttered and set his teeth with the desperation of a man under torture.
While talking with Peyrol outside the house, the words “I won’t see her
again,” and “body without mind,” rang through his head. By the time he
had left Peyrol and walked up the stairs his endurance was absolutely at
an end. All he wanted was to be alone. Going along the dark passage he
noticed that the door of Catherine’s room was standing ajar. But that
did not arrest his attention. He was approaching a state of
insensibility. As he put his hand on the door handle of his room he said
to himself: “It will soon be over!”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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