Humorous poetry; Literature -- History and criticism; Omar Khayyam -- Parodies, imitations, etc.
And those who made a Mint off Miss MacLane,
And those who shuddered at her Jests profane,
Alike consigned her to Oblivion,
And buried once, would not dig up again.
XVI
Anthony Hope men set their hearts upon--
Like Conan Doyle he prospered; and anon,
Remained unopened on the dusty Shelf,
Delighting us an Hour--and then was gone.
XVII
Think, in this gaudy monthly Magazine
Whose Covers are Soapette and Breakfastine,
How Author after Author with his Tale
Fills his fool Pages, and no more is seen.
XVIII
They say that now Miss Myra Kelly reaps
Rewards that Howells used to have for Keeps:
And Seton, that great Hunter of Wild Beasts
Has Coin ahead; Cash comes to him in Heaps!
XIX
I sometimes think that never Prose is read
So good as that by Advertising bred,
And every Verse Sapolian poets sing
Brings laurel wreaths once twin'd for Spenser's head.
XX
And this audacious Author, young and green
In Smart Set--surely you know whom I mean--
Ah, look upon him lightly! for who knows
But once in Lippincott's he wrote unseen!
XXI
Ah, my Beloved, write the Book that clears
TO-DAY of dreary Debt and sad Arrears;
_To-morrow!_--Why, To-morrow I may see
My Nonsense popular as Edward Lear's.
XXII
For some we've read, the month's Six Selling Best
The Bookman scored with elephantine Jest,
Have sold a half a Million in a Year,
Yet no one ever heard of them, out West!
XXIII
And we, that now within the Editor's Room
Make merry while we have our little Boom,
Ourselves must we give way to next month's Set--
Girls with Three Names, who know not Who from Whom!
XXIV
Ah, make the most of what we yet may do,
Before our Royalties have vanish'd, too,
Book after Book, and under Book to lie,
Sans Page, sans Cover, Reader--or Review!
XXV
Alike for those who for TO-DAY have Shame,
And those who strive for some TO-MORROW'S Fame,
A Critic from anonymous Darkness cries,
"Fools, your Reward will fool you, just the Same!"
XXVI
Why, e'en Marie Corelli, who discuss'd
Of the Two Worlds so learnedly, is thrust
Like Elbert Hubbard forth; her Words to Scorn
Are scatter'd, and her Books by Critics cussed.
XXVII
Myself when young did eagerly peruse
James, Meredith and Hardy--but to lose
My Reason, trying to make Head or Tail;
The more I read, the more did they confuse.
XXVIII
With them the Germs of Madness did I sow,
And with "Two Magics" sought to make it grow;
Yet this was all the Answer that I found--
"What it is all about, I do not know!"
XXIX
Into the Library, and _Why_ not knowing,
Nor _What I Want_, I find myself a-going;
And out of it, with Nothing fit to Read--
Such is the Catalogue's anaemic Showing.
XXX
What, without asking, to be hypnotized
Into a Sale of Stevenson disguised?
Oh, many a page of Bernard Shaw's last Play
Must drown the thought of Novels Dramatized!
XXXI
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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