And this new sense was strengthened and made all the more necessary
because his desire to make holiday had come about through her. And while
she lay in his arms in all the ecstasy of love, she knew that she would
fall far short of her achievement if she should become of more
importance in his life than the work that he seemed to have utterly
forgotten. It was for her, she began to see, to send him back with
renewed energy and fire, and then, installed in a secret nest, to fulfil
the part marked out for her as she conceived it and give him the rustle
of silk.
If she had been the common schemer, using her sex magnetism to provide
luxuries and security—the golden cage, as she had called it in her
youth—the way was easy. But love and hero-worship had placed her on
another level. Her cage was Fallaray’s heart, in which she was
imprisoned for life. Looking into the future with the suddenly awakened
practicality that she had inherited from her mother, she began to lay
out careful plans. She must find a girl to take her place with Lady Feo.
Gratitude demanded that. She would go home until such time as she could
take a furnished flat to which Fallaray could come without attracting
attention. What her parents were to be told required much thinking. All
her ideas of a Salon, of meeting political chiefs, of going into a
certain set of society were foolish, she could see. The second of the
most important of her new duties, she told herself, was to shield
Fallaray from gossip which would be of use to his political enemies and
so-called friends; the first to dedicate her life henceforward, by every
gift that she possessed and could acquire, to the inspiration and the
relaxation of the man who belonged more to his country than he did to
her.
She knew from the observation of specific cases and from her study of
the memoirs and the lives of famous courtesans that men were not held
long by sex attraction alone, although by that, rather than by beauty
and by wit, they were captured. She must, therefore, she owned, with her
peculiar frankness, apprentice herself anew, this time to the
cultivation of intelligence. She must be able, eventually, to talk
Fallaray’s language, if possible, and add brain to what she called her
gift.
All these things worked in her mind, suddenly set into action like one
of her father’s doctored watches, while she wandered through the sunny
hours with Fallaray. All that was French and thrifty and practical in
her nature awoke with all that was passionate and love-giving. And when
at night she had to leave him to return to the cottage of the
sympathetic woman whose discretion deserved a monument, she lay awake
for hours to think and plan. She was no longer the lady’s maid, going
with love and adoration and long-deferred hope from one failure to
another, no longer the trembling girl egged forward to a forlorn hope.
She had found the gate in the wall, entered into a golden responsibility
and blossomed into a woman.
IV
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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