The Scaring off of Teddy Dawson: A Comedy in One ActBrighouse, Harold
General
The Scaring off of Teddy Dawson: A Comedy in One Act
Brighouse, Harold
Courtship -- Drama; English drama -- 20th century; Families -- Drama; London (England) -- Drama
Liza (_with conviction_). No. That's what keeps striking me. It
don't seem same fun in the 'ouse. (_Teddy approaches her again with
resolution._) Here's mother! (_Teddy retreats. Enter Polly, with the
beer jug, which she puts on the table._)
Polly. 'Ere it is. Why, Liza, where's yer wits bin wool-gatherin'?
Yer've put no glasses out._) (_Liza hurriedly puts two glasses from
dresser on table. Garn, yer've no need to colour up like that if yer did
forget 'em. I'm not so old myself I've forgot my courtin' days. There
ain't nothink surprisin' if yer did forget when yer lover's with yer.
Well, sit yer down, Mr. Dawson.
Teddy (_sitting quite confidently now_). Thank yer.
Polly (_drawing up a chair for herself, facing him_) Yer'd best go to
bed, Liza; yer've bin sent there twice ternight. Don't stare like that.
Me an' Mr. Dawson's got to get acquaint an' I reckon I'm old enough, to
do without 'avin' yer for a chaperone.
Liza (_reluctantly_). All right. Good-noight, mother.
Polly (_mimicking_). Good-noight, mother! Is that all yer've got ter
say?
Liza. Yus. As far as I know.
Polly. Well, if yer keep yer mouth shut the likes o' that when yer wed,
Teddy 'ull be in clover. Wot? Oh, I see. Took yer charnce with 'im while
I got beer, did yer? Righto. Sling yer 'ook. (_Liza goes out l. under
protest._) Now then, Mr. Dawson, we can be comfortable.
Teddy. 'Ere, where's Mr. Bettesworth?
Polly (_assuming during the ensuing scene an air of rollicking
camaraderie_). 'E's all right. Out lookin' for somebody, only 'e ain't
lookin' in right place. Don't yer worry abart 'im. Now, yer'll ave a bit
of bacon?
Teddy (_reassured again_). I don't mind if I do.
Polly (_cutting and handing_). Righto. Bread's on yer side. (_Polly
helps herself to bacon and accepts a slice of bread from Teddy. They
eat without forks, using bread instead and show no objection to putting
knives in their mouths._)
Polly (_sarcastically_). I didn't know yer was teetotal.
Teddy. I ain't.
Polly. Well, beer was brewed for drinkin', (_Teddy pours himself a glass
and drinks modestly._)
Teddy (_replacing glass_). Ah!
Polly. Sup it up. I like a man that can take 'is liquor. Yer drink as if
it feared yer. (_Teddy empties his glass._) That's better. (_She passes
her glass, he fills it and his own._) Now, Mr. Dawson, don't stint
yerself. There ain't nothink like courtin' fur givin' an appetite. Yer
ain't got much to say for yerself. I dunno. Young men don't seem so
brisk at their courtin' as they was when I were a girl.
Teddy (_nettled_). I don't think I'm pertiklar slow.
Polly. Well, I'll give yer an instance. That gas. It were lighted the
moment I left room. I saw gleam of it under door. My old man 'ud never
'ave lit it like that when 'im and me courted. I give yer a fair chance,
an all. Yer don't fancy I allays take that long to pick up a jug o'
beer, do yer?
Teddy. Yus, well that 'ud go down all right with some girls, but it
ain't right way with Liza.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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