The Schoolmistress: A Farce in Three Acts — John Shaqi
The Schoolmistress: A Farce in Three ActsPinero, Arthur Wing
General
The Schoolmistress: A Farce in Three Acts
Pinero, Arthur Wing
Comedy plays; English drama -- 19th century
The same story of success must be told of the play's career in Australia
and America. Messrs. Brough and Boucicault presented it to the audiences
of the Antipodes, where, in the character of Peggy Hesslerigge, Miss
Pattie Browne is said to have given a remarkable performance, as the
original exponent of the part, Miss Norreys, had done in London. In the
United States, Miss Rosina Vokes was responsible for the production of
Mr. Pinero's play, but there the principal success was achieved by Mr.
Weedon Grossmith in the character of the Hon. Vere Queckett, originally
interpreted with so much quaint humour by Mr. Arthur Cecil.
Malcolm C. Salaman.
January, 1894.
THE FIRST ACT--THE MYSTERY
_The Scene is the Reception Room at Miss Dyott's seminary for young
ladies, known as Volumnia College, Volumnia House, near Portland Place.
The windows look on to the street, and a large door at the further
end of the room opens to the hall, where there are some portmanteaus
standing, while there is another door on the spectator's right.
Jane Chipman, a stout, middle-aged servant, and Tyler, an unhealthy
looking youth, wearing a page's jacket, enter the room, carrying between
them a large travelling-trunk._
TYLER.
[_Breathlessly._] 'Old 'ard--'old 'ard! Phew! [_They rest the trunk
on the floor, Tyler dabs his forehead with a small dirty handkerchief,
which he passes on to Jane._] Excuse me not offering it to you first,
Jane.
JANE.
[_Dabbing the palms of her hands._] Don't name it, Tyler. Do you 'appen
to know what time Missus starts?
TYLER.
Two-thirty, I 'eard say.
JANE.
It's a queer thing her going away like this alone--not to say nothing
of a schoolmistress leaving a lot of foolish young gals for a month or
six weeks.
TYLER.
[_Sitting despondently on the trunk._] Cook and the parlourmaid got rid
of too--it's not much of a Christmas vacation we shall get, you and me,
Jane.
JANE.
You're right. [_Sitting on the sofa._] Let's see--how many of our young
ladies 'aven't gone home for their 'olidays?
TYLER.
Well, there's Miss 'Awkins.
JANE.
Her people is in India.
TYLER.
Miss Johnson.
JANE.
Her people is in the Divorce Court.
TYLER.
Miss Hesslerigge.
JANE
Oh, she ain't got no 'ome. She's a orphan, studying for to be a
governess.
TYLER.
Then there's this new girl, Miss Ranklin'.
JANE.
Dinah Ranklin'?
TYLER.
Yes, Dinah Ranklin'. Now why is _she_ to spend her Exmas at our College?
She's the daughter of Admiral Ranklin', and the Ranklin's live jest
round the corner at Collin'wood 'Ouse.
JANE.
Oh, she's been failin' in love or something, and has got to be locked
up.
TYLER.
Well then, last but not least, there's the individual who is kicking his
'eels about the 'ouse, and giving himself the airs of the 'aughty.
JANE.
[_Mysteriously._] What--Missus's husband?
TYLER.
Yes--Missus's husband.
JANE.
Ah! Mark my word, if ever there was a mystery, there's one.
TYLER.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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