On being introduced to Lord Roberts, the wit bent down patronizingly to his lordship and remarked: "I have often heard of you, but"--shading his eyes with one hand as though the famous general, being so small, could be seen only with difficulty--"I have never seen you." To this Lord Roberts promptly replied: "I have often seen you, sir, but I have never heard of you." An American Woman's Retort. Lord Sackville was never much of a lover of America, and what love he ever had was considerably affected by his dismissal in disgrace as British ambassador in President Cleveland's administration. Some time after his return he was a guest of honor at a dinner which was also attended by Lady Randolph Churchill, now Mrs. Cornwallis West, who is an American. His lordship did not air his personal grievances, but he lost no opportunity of decrying everything American. He was especially severe upon American table manners. "Do you know," he remarked, "that I have seen Americans eating with their knives and spilling their soup on the table-cloth?" Lady Randolph's eyes had flashed several times during the dinner, but this was a little too much. She leaned quietly toward the distinguished diplomat and remarked, in her cool, sarcastic voice: "What poor letters of recommendation you must have had, my lord!" Silencing the Surgeon. At a certain dinner-table with General Miles, one night, was a distinguished Washington surgeon, who listened with a certain air of superiority to some of the soldier's reminiscences of various experiences during the Civil War. "And how do you feel, general," he finally asked, with just a touch of sarcasm, "after you've professionally killed a man?" "Oh," replied General Miles, "I dare say I don't mind doing that any more than you do." Thomas Lawson's Sharp Tongue. A Marblehead fisherman reports hearing, while out one day in the bay, this bit of repartee between Thomas Lawson and a young woman, evidently no respecter of persons. As Mr. Lawson, in a naphtha launch, passed the rowboat containing the girl, she called out: "Hullo, Tom, how's copper?" Instantly came the retort: "First-rate. How's brass?" The Deacon Smelled Sulfur. Old Deacon Morse was as good at repartee as any man living. One time he was taking a vessel down New York Harbor. Another vessel collided with his, and the two drifted on together. "Cut loose! Cut loose!" called the other captain. Morse couldn't, but demanded that the other do so. This the stranger wouldn't do, but he warned Morse that if he didn't they would soon reach Hell Gate. "Well," replied Morse, "you won't stop at the gate if you don't cut loose from us in about two minutes!" Laying Up Treasure for Heaven. Francis Baylies, an historian of note, on returning from a church meeting one Thanksgiving Day, met Nicholas Tillinghast, one of the most humorous and also one of the most eloquent of the members of the Bristol County bar, in the sitting-room of an hotel.