The Second Thoughts of an Idle FellowJerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
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The Second Thoughts of an Idle Fellow
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
English essays; English wit and humor
Shut the door of the dark room quietly. I should not stay even to
sympathize with him if I were you. The men will be coming to screw the
coffin down soon. I think he would like to be alone with it till then.
Let us leave him. He will come back to the club later on in the season.
For a while we may have to give him another ten points or so, but he will
soon get back his old form. Now and again, when he meets the other
fellows’ boys shouting on the towing-path; when Brown rushes up the
drive, paper in hand, to tell him how that young scapegrace Jim has won
his Cross; when he is congratulating Jones’s eldest on having passed with
honours, the old wound may give him a nasty twinge. But the pain will
pass away. He will laugh at our stories and tell us his own; eat his
dinner, play his rubber. It is only a wound.
Tommy can never be ours, Jenny does not love us. We cannot afford
claret, so we will have to drink beer. Well, what would you have us do?
Yes, let us curse Fate by all means—some one to curse is always useful.
Let us cry and wring our hands—for how long? The dinner-bell will ring
soon, and the Smiths are coming. We shall have to talk about the opera
and the picture-galleries. Quick, where is the eau-de-Cologne? where are
the curling-tongs? Or would you we committed suicide? Is it worth
while? Only a few more years—perhaps to-morrow, by aid of a piece of
orange peel or a broken chimney-pot—and Fate will save us all that
trouble.
Or shall we, as sulky children, mope day after day? We are a
broken-hearted little Jack—little Jill. We will never smile again; we
will pine away and die, and be buried in the spring. The world is sad,
and life so cruel, and heaven so cold. Oh dear! oh dear! we have hurt
ourselves.
We whimper and whine at every pain. In old strong days men faced real
dangers, real troubles every hour; they had no time to cry. Death and
disaster stood ever at the door. Men were contemptuous of them. Now in
each snug protected villa we set to work to make wounds out of scratches.
Every head-ache becomes an agony, every heart-ache a tragedy. It took a
murdered father, a drowned sweetheart, a dishonoured mother, a ghost, and
a slaughtered Prime Minister to produce the emotions in Hamlet that a
modern minor poet obtains from a chorus girl’s frown, or a temporary
slump on the Stock Exchange. Like Mrs. Gummidge, we feel it more. The
lighter and easier life gets the more seriously we go out to meet it.
The boatmen of Ulysses faced the thunder and the sunshine alike with
frolic welcome. We modern sailors have grown more sensitive. The
sunshine scorches us, the rain chills us. We meet both with loud
self-pity.
Thinking these thoughts, I sought a second friend—a man whose breezy
common-sense has often helped me, and him likewise I questioned on this
subject of honeymoons.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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