But they were cold now, and hungry, and suddenly very tired; and they
had no real fire of battle in them; they had waited too long for this
crowning experience of an attack, braced themselves for it too often to
be disappointed; and I knew that they were glad. But they did not mind
being glad; they pondered no doubts about themselves, only curled up
like animals in corners to sleep....
Harry, too, no doubt, had braced himself like the rest of us, and he,
too, must have been glad, glad to lie down and look forward after all to
seeing another sunrise. But I thought of his doubts about himself, and I
felt that this business was far from easing his burden. For me and for
the men it was a simple thing--the postponement of a battle with the
Turks; for Harry it was the postponement of a personal test: the battle
inside him still went on; only it went on more bitterly.
II
There was a great muddle in front. Troops of two different brigades were
hopelessly entangled in the shallow trenches they had taken from the
Turks. They had few officers left, and their staffs had the most
imperfect impressions of the whereabouts of their mangled commands. So
the sun was well up when we finally took over the line; this was in
defiance of all tradition, but the Turk was shaken and did not molest
us. The men who passed us on their way down grimly wished us joy of what
they had left; their faces were pale and drawn, full of loathing and
weariness, but they said little; and the impression grew that there was
something up there which they could not even begin to describe. It was a
still, scorching morning, and as we moved on the air became heavy with a
sickening stench, the most awful of all smells that man can be called to
endure, because it preyed on the imagination as well as the senses. For
we knew now what it was. We came into a Turkish trench, broad and
shallow. In the first bay lay two bodies--a Lowlander and a Turk. They
lay where they had killed each other, and they were very foul and
loathsome in the sun. A man looked up at them and passed on, thinking,
'Glad I haven't got to stay here.' In the next bay there were three
dead, all Englishmen; and in the next there were more--and he thought,
'It was a hot fight just here.' But as he moved on, and in each
succeeding bay beheld the same corrupt aftermath of yesterday's battle,
the suspicion came to him that this was no local horror. Over the whole
front of the attack, along two lines of trenches, these regiments of
dead were everywhere found, strung in unnatural heaps along the
parapets, or sprawling horribly half into the trench so that he touched
them as he passed. Yet still he could not believe, and at each corner
thought, 'Surely there will be none in this bay.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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