So oblivious was the house, so tame, so trained its
proceedings, so inexpectant its aspect, I scarce knew how to
breathe in an atmosphere thus stagnant, thus smothering.
Would no one lend me a voice? Had no one a wish, no one a
word, no one a prayer to which I could say Amen?
I had seen them unanimous in demand for the merest trifle--a
treat, a holiday, a lesson's remission; they could not, they
_would_ not now band to besiege Madame Beck, and insist on a
last interview with a master who had certainly been loved,
at least by some--loved as _they_ could love; but, oh! what
_is_ the love of the multitude?
I knew where he lived; I knew where he was to be heard of or
communicated with. The distance was scarce a stone's-throw.
Had it been in the next room, unsummoned I could make no use
of my knowledge. To follow, to seek out, to remind, to
recall--for these things I had no faculty.
M. Emanuel might have passed within reach of my arm. Had he
passed silent and unnoticing, silent and stirless should I
have suffered him to go by.
Morning wasted. Afternoon came, and I thought all was over.
My heart trembled in its place. My blood was troubled in its
current. I was quite sick, and hardly knew how to keep at my
post or do my work. Yet the little world round me plodded on
indifferent; all seemed jocund, free of care, or fear, or
thought. The very pupils who, seven days since, had wept
hysterically at a startling piece of news, appeared quite to
have forgotten the news, its import, and their emotion.
A little before five o'clock, the hour of dismissal, Madame
Beck sent for me to her chamber, to read over and translate
some English letter she had received, and to write for her
the answer. Before settling to this work, I observed that
she softly closed the two doors of her chamber; she even
shut and fastened the casement, though it was a hot day, and
free circulation of air was usually regarded by her as
indispensable. Why this precaution? A keen suspicion, an
almost fierce distrust, suggested such question. Did she
want to exclude sound? What sound?
I listened as I had never listened before; I listened like
the evening and winter wolf, snuffing the snow, scenting
prey, and hearing far off the traveller's tramp. Yet I could
both listen and write. About the middle of the letter I
heard what checked my pen--a tread in the vestibule. No
door-bell had rung; Rosine--acting doubtless by orders--had
anticipated such reveille. Madame saw me halt. She coughed,
made a bustle, spoke louder. The tread had passed on to the
_classes_.
'Proceed,' said Madame; but my hand was fettered, my ear
enchained, my thoughts were carried off captive.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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