'Dog in the manger!' I said, for I knew she secretly wanted
him, and had always wanted him. She called him
'insupportable'; she railed at him for a 'devot.' She did
not love; but she wanted to marry that she might bind him to
her interest. Deep into some of madame's secrets I had
entered, I know not how--by an intuition or an inspiration
which came to me, I know not whence. In the course of living
with her, too, I had slowly learned that, unless with an
inferior, she must ever be a rival. She was _my_ rival,
heart and soul, though secretly, under the smoothest
bearing, and utterly unknown to all save her and myself.
Two minutes I stood over madame, feeling that the whole
woman was in my power, because in some moods, such as the
present, in some stimulated states of perception, like that
of this instant, her habitual disguise, her mask, and her
domino were to me a mere network reticulated with holes; and
I saw underneath a being heartless, self-indulgent, and
ignoble. She quietly retreated from me. Meek and
self-possessed, though very uneasy, she said, 'If I would
not be persuaded to take rest, she must reluctantly leave
me.' Which she did incontinent, perhaps even more glad to
get away than I was to see her vanish.
This was the sole flash-eliciting, truth-extorting rencontre
which ever occurred between me and Madame Beck; this short
night scene was never repeated. It did not one whit change
her manner to me. I do not know that she revenged it. I do
not know that she hated me the worse for my fell candour. I
think she bucklered herself with the secret philosophy of
her strong mind, and resolved to forget what it irked her to
remember. I know that to the end of our mutual lives there
occurred no repetition of, no allusion to, that fiery
passage.
Is it possible to doubt that this 'fiery passage,'--or one strangely
like it--went to the building up of the impressions and emotions that
transformed the early memories of Madame Heger, of whom Charlotte once
spoke so kindly in her letters, as a generous friend who had offered her
a post in her school more from a kind wish to help her than from selfish
motives?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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