The Secret of the League: The Story of a Social WarBramah, Ernest
Science
The Secret of the League: The Story of a Social War
Bramah, Ernest
Dystopias -- Fiction; Great Britain -- Politics and government -- Fiction; Social classes -- Fiction
The nearest equivalent in his own language signifying literally "quick
hot words," he had some difficulty in conveying the impression he
desired, and his circle had to rest content that "snap" permeated the
journalism, commerce, politics, drama, and social life of the English,
had assailed their literature, and was beginning to influence religion,
art, and science. It may be admitted that the foreign gentleman's visit
had coincided with a period of national stress, for the week in question
had embraced the more entertaining half of a general election, seen the
advent of two new farthing daily papers, and been marked by the Rev.
Sebastian Tauthaul's striking series of addresses from the pulpit of the
City Sanctum, entitled "If Christ put up for Battersea." It had also
included the launching of a new cocoa, a new soap, and a new
concentrated food.
The new food was called "Chip-Chunks." "A name which I venture to think
spells success of itself," complacently remarked its inventor. "A very
good name indeed," admitted his advertising manager. "It has the great
desideratum that it might be anything, and, on the other hand, it might
equally well be nothing." "Just so," said the inventor with weighty
approval; "just so." A "snap-line" was required that would ineradicably
fix Chip-Chunks in the public mind, and "Bow-wow! Feel chippy? Then
champ Chip-Chunks" was found in an inspired moment. It was, of course,
fully cooked and already quite digested. It was described as the delight
of the unweaned infant, the mainstay of the toothless nonagenarian, and
so simple and wholesome that it could be safely taken and at once
assimilated by the invalid who had undergone the operation of having his
principal organ of digestion removed. So little, indeed, remained for
nature and the human parts to do in the matter of Chip-Chunks as to
raise the doubt whether it might not be simpler and scarcely less
nutritive to open the tin and pour the contents down the drain
forthwith.
As Chip-Chunks was designed for those who were disinclined to exercise
the functions of digestion, so Isabella soap made an appeal to those who
disliked work and had something of an antipathy to soap at all. One did
not wash with Isabella, it was assured: one sat down and watched it. It
had its "snap-lines," too:
"You write it 'wash,' but you call it 'wosh.'
"What is the difference?
"There is 'a' difference.
"There is also 'a' difference between Isabella soap and all other soaps:
"All the difference.
"That's our point. Put it in your washtub and watch it."
* * * * *
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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