affecting him by this time as almost superlatively ancient, and wasn't
there one of them that it would at once concern him, in common kindness,
let alone common honesty, to make known to her?
"I wasn't aware of your existence," he at all events said to her on
taking to himself this perception; "I mean I had never heard of you when
I sailed--any more, naturally enough, than when I arrived. It has only
been to-day. It came out unexpectedly. But now I'm sure," he went on to
the relief of his conscience, of his reason, of his imagination, of he
could scarce have said what; to the rectification in any case of
something he now knew, the confession made, to have been hurting him
like some limb kept in a posture adverse to its function. The gained
ease was even too great for joking--he couldn't too plainly state it.
"You see I knew all about _them_--or I felt as if I had done so as soon
as I got here; which comes to the same thing, doesn't it?" There he was
asking her _that_, by the way; as if she could tell him whether or no it
came to the same thing. Would he have put such a question to her mother,
to her sister, to her brother, or even to wondrous Sir Cantopher? It was
the kind of question that tended to produce in them that arrest of
intercourse; and, extraordinarily enough, it seemed now to hang but by a
hair that it might under this new relation make everything easier. Was
she going, sweet Nan, to be drawn to him just exactly by certain
features of the play of freedom that he had felt warn the others off?
Strange certainly that such a satisfaction should within so few moments
have begun to breathe upon him--since as a satisfaction, and quite of
the freshest, he should know it, that was beyond mistake; and there was
nothing to light the anomaly to any degree in his impression that he
should be able to make her conceive him better simply by treating her,
that is by simply looking at her even, as if she naturally would. This
act would be on his part a more conceiving, if withal a more wondering,
thing than any yet--though what had, for that matter, ever been so
strange as that the shyest, vaguest, least directly protesting pair of
eyes ever raised to him should at the same time submit to search after a
fashion that was in itself a sort of engagement? "Don't you think you
can persuade your brother to accept an accommodation?" he finally asked.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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