If as he paced he sought to avoid suspicion, of what was it at bottom
that he was to have been suspected? He would have confessed, had the
question been put to him, that it was only of his thoughts, which he was
himself moreover the only person to know anything about. If he desired
so extremely to hide them was it then that his conscience was bad about
them? An examination of the state of his conscience would perhaps in
truth have shown him as entertaining a hope scarce seriously to be
confessed. If he had an underhand dream that his house might prove
"haunted"--the result of an inordinate conception, in his previous time,
of old and doubtless foolish tales--the thing might after all have been
forgiven to his so belated freedom. Experience had lagged with him
behind interpretation, and the worst that could have been said was that
his gift for the latter might do well to pause awhile till an increase
of the former could catch up. By the time it did catch up he might
perhaps have come to make out for himself that, as is perfectly known to
biases millions, despair seldom fails to settle on any surmise that the
common forces of solicitation in respectable neighbourhoods may be in a
given case much transcended. He was sufficiently a man of the world,
further, not to care to face the smile that would greet his having had
that lesson to learn. He had disembarked with an immense provision of
prepared sensibility, but had packed into its interstices various fine
precautions against his passing for a fool. He was slightly ashamed, if
the truth be told, of the bounds he had honestly to set to his reach of
reminiscence, and he understood that he should most please himself by
making his pretensions few. It would be simple enough, he seemed to see,
to betray on occasion his ignorance, but he might find it in general
awkward to betray some sides of his knowledge. He knew too much for a
man who had seen so little, and nothing could be more fatuous than to go
about apologising. Of course he exaggerated the danger of the perception
of either excess in so preoccupied a world. He was at any rate careful
to keep to himself his real reason for disgustedly flushing in hours of
privacy at the thought of the figure his acquisition would make at the
hands, or at least under the pen, of auctioneers and agents eager to
invite him to regard it as a source of income. The reason was simply
that the language of advertisement, the inimitable catchpenny flourish,
depressed him by the perfection of its missing of the whole point. The
whole point, that of the exceptional eligibility they panted to express
in their terms, was the ineffable genius itself of the place, which
while he kept indirectly raking it, grew upon him day by day. He
couldn't go so far as to tell anyone that he had never seen anything so
old--so old at once and so elaborate--as a structure dating only from
the earlier years of the previous century. He couldn't decently cry it
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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