By the time he solemnly entered it had been further mentioned to him
that the lady's appreciation of the place--unless its appeal were more
especially to her son, or to one or other, if not both, of her two
daughters--had been noted as almost extravagant. Signs in short had not
been wanting of the length to which such an attachment could go. Poor
Ralph at the end of an hour indeed would have understood any length; but
it was under this impression precisely that he fell into a train of
delays. The immediate effect of his first visit had been the wish to
"move in" that afternoon; the next had been a gathering doubt as to
whether he had better do so at all. The inner scene spoke to him with a
hundred voices, yet not one of these phrased to him quite happily the
terms of the single life there. The strangest part of this moreover was
that his hesitation--which fairly partook of the nature of a sort of
sacred terror--rested not in the least on any vision of what was
wanting, but wholly on the consciousness, almost as strong as a shock,
of what was impressively, what was tremendously, involved. He tried to
put it to himself simply, yet was not sure he put it sincerely, in
pronouncing it impossible he should fill out so many rooms. He
apprehended at bottom what might be going to happen--his making up his
mind on some uncandid basis that temporary lodgings elsewhere were his
indicated course. The want of candour would lie in the plea of
absurdity--the absurdity of his organising, with so much else to do,
such an establishment as would consort with such a setting. It would be
swagger, it would be vulgar precipitate eagerness, he on the one side
reasoned, to waste time in the pretence of really "running" such a
place; and there would be on the other a distinct offence in attempting
to inhabit it meanly. He should have time enough to ask himself what
would have been his benefactor's idea. The idea would come to him in
some way of its own: evidently it had been thrown out in the offered
facts themselves; they held it there in reserve and in subtle solution.
On its appearing he should know it, and he mustn't before that make a
mistake.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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